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unknown624 · Nov 1, 2011, 01:26 PM

So I've been dating my boyfriend for almost two years, and he has been getting on my nerves. He's a huge mama's boy, and it's ruining our relationship. He makes plans with her as if he would make plans with me. He tells me, and these were his exact words: "I don't want to commit to plans with you in case there's something on that day that sounds better and it's something I want to do more". So he's pretty much telling me that any plans made with his mom or his friends are better than the plans he makes with me. If we have plans, then his mom asks him to go for dinner or something, he will automatically tell her yes without even checking with me or asking me if this would be okay to change our plans. I'm feeling really hurt and I know he's not going to change. What can I say to him that will make him see that it's hurting me what he's doing? I've told him before that each time he changes our plans without consulting me it pushes me away from him. It's rude, number one, and two it really bothers me when people don't stick to their plans with me. If we don't have anything planned, and he wants to do something, then I have no problem with that. But if we make plans, I would appreciate if they weren't completely over-ridden. Any idea why he's doing this?

isabrancato · Nov 1, 2011, 01:36 PM

It sounds like you are his "back burner". He knows that you continue to stay with him even though he breaks plans. So why not keep you on the back burner in case his plans fall through or just put you on the back burner if something better comes along. You're going to be there either way.

No offense but he is not the one for you. I'm sure you feel as though you have invested a lot of time in the relationship. I really just think you will be a lot happier if you find someone that respects you.

Jondy · Nov 1, 2011, 01:48 PM

I don't think he's the right one for you.
Sad to say but I think you are better off alone or finding someone else.
He doesn't seem to care if he bails on your plans together and if you have told him it hurts your feelings and he doesn't even make an effort to change this for you then he's just using you so he doesn't have to be alone.
If you are really committed to him then you should maybe try one last serious talk with him about this and if it goes the same way then you are really just wasting your time.
Better to be respected then being treated like this by your partner.

mmresd · Nov 2, 2011, 04:23 PM

You are secondary, if you like that positions then you will have to get used it. However, if you don't then get out, what is the point of sticking around for a guy that doesn't give you the time you deserve, obviously your personal needs are higher. Go out and find someone that is better, it won't be that hard.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 2, 2011, 05:26 PM

You are an option.
Leave him alone. He is not going to change because he does not have to and does not care about your feelings. Stand up for yourself and leave.

talaniman · Nov 3, 2011, 07:53 PM

What do I do about my boyfriend?

Dump him, and be troubled no more. You have been allowing him to make you an option for two years too long.

unknown624 · Nov 16, 2011, 11:17 AM

I suppose... it's just that other than that fact our love feels so comfortable. It doesn't make sense to me why he wouldn't get that almost after two years of being together. He just gets really upset when I tell him that I should be the priority and he's not making it so.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 16, 2011, 11:25 AM

You are making waves in the perfect relationship in his eyes. He is in control and it's on his terms.

talaniman · Nov 16, 2011, 12:12 PM

You put up with a lot, now you are tired of it, and rightfully so, but he doesn't want to change things at all. I doubt he will. He likes things the way they are.