[rabbit13]

Just read a post for someone who asked when do you give up hoping your lover will come back, well the answer is when the pain of being a doormat to someone who don't give a crap becomes more painful then the pain of missing them.

I loved a lady so so much it hurt and then one day she tells me "we always knew our story had to end someday, I don't love you any more" just like that. A week later she tells me she has another guy, a week after that she tells me he is cool about her seeing me as a friend. In the space of just 13 days I go from lover, demoted to friend and my thanks for doing the right thing the grown up thing of being friends is she tells me her new guy is OK her hanging out with me like I'm some kind of fag-friend.

Now at this point I should have spat in her eye and gone round and beat the crap out of new guy but you know what I did... nothing. After two months of this garbage I decided on going NC and I stopped all contact with her, then after a few weeks I get a text saying she is coming back to work at the same place as me and to save my feelings she intends being discreet. Now in the mean time I'm getting on with my life I meet a new GF down at the gym and I tell her about the new lady in my life. The next thing you would think I had dumped her, she sends me texts saying what a great guy I am and even if she knows its over she still feels jealous and how she misses our conversations like it was me that dumped her and the fact I met someone three months after she dumped me seemed unimportant.

So now my head is really messed up I'm thinking is she still interested and it has an affect on my new relationship who tells me she don't want to be my rebound and moves on. Now my ex invites me to a party and breaks her neck to get me alone and we sit down to talk and she tells me she thinks she is in love with her new guy and its like she wants me to approve and give her my blessing or some such crap and this my friends is the point when you stop loving and say no more, I'm not playing your silly games anymore, I respect myself too much and at that moment all her power has gone, all the pain has gone and I see clear for the first time that she was using me as backup in case it all crap with pencil ****. I would be lying to say I'm happy now but I know it's a starting point for happiness to be free of someone who has such little respect for me.

[hidden123]

You answered your own question :) In the end. It was all to fuel her own security - or rather - help her insecurity. I was not about you, but her. It took me years to see that that's what was going on with my ex. It was great that you saw it for what it was. She will use that next guy just as well. On your part - don't do to the new GF of yours what your ex did to you.. Be honest and respect her feelings. It's OK to be single. Don't do unto her as your ex did unto you.

[talaniman]

Sometimes it takes reality a while to sink in. That's why you disappear when you get dumped, and do your own thing without her. Its OK to be friends with an ex, when you are ready (if you ever are), and on your terms.

[mmresd]

You give up the moment they tell you they want to break up, the problem here is you have been waiting for them. The moment they don't want to be with you is the moment you go no contact, start healing from the relationship, and wait till you have fully healed to start the next one in your life.

[rabbit13]

My ex dumped me 9 months ago, we both worked together for 18 months then she went to work for another company met a guy and finished with me. She has been living with him for the past 7 months, yet she still seems interested in being (friends) with me, she got jealous when after 4 months of her leaving a met someone new and still show signs of being jealous when she sees me talkinmg to other girls. I have pointed out that I have no interest in the friends crap, if someone checks out of a relationship its because she was bored with the relationship and finds her new guy more exciting then me, at the time of the break I did all the usual stuff like begging her not to go and tears and for a long time I was in bits and she treated me like s**t rubbing my nose in it about her new guy, like how he was cool about me seeing her, this was a week after we split. So none of this is good grounds for being friends. Now she is back working with me after months of silence and seems to think its cool for us to pick up the relationship where we left off but without the sex and romance, I told her I will do friendly because we have to work together but not friends. The problem is one minuet she is all smiles and next I get dagger looks. To be honest I still have feelings for her and find once I get into conversation with her I start slipping back to a place I'm glad to be away from and quickly end the conversation. The thing that bugs me is what is going on in her mind, why get jealous about me when she tells me she is happy with her life now.

[odinn7]

First I have to give you a high five for being able to move on and realizing that the friends thing is just a ridiculous and painful joke that usually doesn't work out. I like that you understand that you have to be friendly because you work together but nothing more. Most people just don't get that. More power to you!

Now, I can only guess as to what the story is in her mind and, of course, I could be wrong... I would say she probably can't get over the fact that you have been able to move on without her. It seems like she enjoyed the fact that you were miserable and now can't deal with you being OK.

Like I said, I could be wrong. I have seen it though so that's what could be happening here.

Stay strong.

[talaniman]

She is just a jealous insecure person guy, and that's just who she is.

[rabbit13]

Thanks guys I thought as much, I wanted someone to come up with some magic answer like it's a medical condition or something, maybe it is pathological or maybe just plain evil. The point I find hard to accept is somewhere in all this crap is a little girl I once loved but I can only get a glimps at her in a mist of all the ugliness