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q1993 · Oct 27, 2011, 06:35 PM

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months now. And all I know is that I really do love him a lot. I've known him for quite sometime even before we started going out. The first month of the relationship was the best month of my life. I've never felt so loved in my entire life.

When things started to get sexual I felt the need to tell him that I've done it with my previous relationship. I only had one and I was younger, and thought that since eveyone was doing it, why shouldn't I? I was stupid and regretted it longer than I should have especially after realising that my ex only used me for it. After telling him this he told me that he feels weird around me. But the thing is, he's also lost it to his ex. It bothered me a bit but realised that hey, I've done it too so I shouldn't give him **** about it, and that what's important is that he's with me right now and not with her.

I don't think he feels the same though. He would have sex with me and whenever we do it I feel so emotionally closer to him. I knew he isn't using me just for sex but I'm starting to think otherwise because its been 3 months since I told him and he would still randomly bring the issue up and end up hving an argument about it and I would always end up chasing after him telling him not to leave me just because of that.

He tells me he loves me and he won't leave me but why does he keep doing this to me? I feel so low and dirty whenever he brings it up because he always makes it sound like I've had sex with a hundred other guys. I really do love him and don't want to leave him. I just hope that one day he'll get over it because he's hurting me so much because of it.

talaniman · Oct 27, 2011, 09:27 PM

How old are you both? Seems if you can have sex together, then you can calmly and honestly discuss your feelings, and not have a big argument about it.

You may love his funky draws with all your heart, but you don't need a guy who makes you feel ashamed, and should tell him to cut it out, or hit the road. If you allow him to disrespect your wishes, he sure will.

He makes you feel bad, probably because he feels bad about himself, and sounds insecure. Reassure him, but don't take his crap!

You never chase a guy who makes you feel this way, he should be chasing you and apologizing. When you allow bad treatment, you will surely get more of it.

samm101 · Oct 28, 2011, 01:38 PM

This relationship is still fairly new. Sometimes we feel we should be open about past experiences with our partners but it doesn't always go down well. Your boyf might just have trouble dealing with the fact that you were intimate with someone else before him. If you think about it,it would be weird for you to picture him doing intimate stuff with another woman and gaining pleasure from her... and for you not to feel a little off.. BUT that feeling wouldn't last because you know that was in his past.
You haven't done anything wrong, that is a part of your past and you should point that out to him. He is the one you are with now, he's the one who's making you happy but you should also point out that he doesn't make you feel happy when it gets brought up and you need him to let this go because its damaging the relationship.
Everyone has a past, including your boyfriend, nobody deserves to be made feel bad for no reason. Otherwise, you know the outcome.

q1993 · Oct 30, 2011, 12:36 AM

Hi. We're both 18. I always try and tell him that what's important is that I'm with him and that I'm happy. But he said that he doesn't think that he would ever be able to get over it do I'm really just so lost right now

talaniman · Oct 30, 2011, 01:31 PM

Don't allow his immaturity to bully you into allowing bad behavior.

That's a perfect way to be controlled by him. He uses your own love against you to make himself feel better.

Its emotional blackmail.

shufford1 · Oct 31, 2011, 08:30 AM

All these posts are well written and TRUE. You are still so very young. You must have respect for yourself and people will reciprocate in all walks of life not just romantic relationships. Respect yourself first. Hang out with people that support you and respect you. It's so easy to get pulled "down" and not think well of yourself. Don't let that happen. Stop hangin' with this guy. He's young too and has control issues.

mmresd · Oct 31, 2011, 12:48 PM

He'll get over it, is not your fault he can't deal with it. And there is nothing you can do to mend it. Next time, don't talk about those type of things. You are right when "and that what's important is that he's with me right now and not with her." If that is what's important, then why does he have to know anything else, keep your sexual experiences to yourself, no man likes to know that his girlfriend has been banged by another man. Even if he is aware of it, it has a negative effect when it is pointed out to us.