[starsshine]

Ok so I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 21 he's finished uni and I'm now in my second year. We've been together for over 3 and a half years now. We met in Lincoln and I come from Norwich and he comes from Cambridge. So we did long distance when he went to uni in Hertfordshire and I was at 6th form in Norwich, then I went uni in Canterbury the idea was that when he finished uni he would come live with me in Canterbury. But things didn't turn out that way, see I suffer from depression and have had a lot of family and personal issues that all came down on top of Christmas last year - basically I couldn't cope with everything that was happening and broke up with my boyfriend.

We were apart for only 4 months and in which time we never really lost contact.
Now we've been back together for 8 nearly 9 months and he's chosen to move back to Cambridge to live. He says he's not ready to live with me or to live closer to me yet. To start with I was OK with that but now I'm not. I want someone who's going to be there someone who's going to be in my life, not on the other end of the phone.

Things have got worst now that he has a job as he's working nights and work weekends, he told me to take the job and honestly I can't afford to live if I don't work. The nights he gets off are Monday and Tuesday - which are the days that I have classes. The idea is that I'll go down to his Wednesday to Friday every third week. But when I'm at his because it's his mums house we aren't allowed to sleep together so in total I'd get to see him for maybe 4 hours a day. And then when he's at mine - again every 3rd week - I'll go to classes as normal and see him when he arrives Monday evening till presumably Tuesday evening or Wednesday morning.

I don't want to continue in a long distance relationship, and seeing as I can't move to him it's in his hands as to what to do, but he won't move. I don't understand why he won't make the relationship easier for us. I understand that I hurt him and everything but he's hurting me now.

I read this on another question and it's exactly how I feel:
Sounds to me as though he was not serious when he said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. If he had practical reason why you two should not live together, that would be one thing. But to say "I'm not ready to live with you" in my opinion means, "I'm not ready to close the door to other options yet."

It seems he is stringing you along until he's certain he won't find someone else who he thinks is better. You shouldn't let him do that, and since you face a big decision, perhaps its time to provide him an alternative.

I don't know what to do anymore, its all I can think about, its all me and my boyfriend argue about. He's told me that he doesn't love me like he used to but that he still loves me lots - but I'm not sure if this is enough. Also we nearly broke up again because he could see how much he was hurting me by not letting me back in again completely - it feels like he's still holding me at arms length, he's not as romantic or affectionate as what he used to be. I've told him that how I feel but nothing seems change.

The bottom line is I love him and want to be with him, but I don't know how long I can keep on doing this - I'm falling apart.
Please help

[talaniman]

Stop doing it then, and get your own life together.

[blondie92211]

It seems that you need to have a serious talk with him. Be blunt. Say "i need to know if we have a future together or not. because it seems like you dont think we do, so tell me now, save me the heartbreak." and if he says no, then that's it. Find someone who's willing to be a part of your life and treats you right. I'm currently having problems in my LDR also. It sucks. I know how it feels.