[Riannha]

I'm a freshman in college. I found a wonderful guy about 3 months ago, and we are now going out (we made it official a month ago). We're both very spiritual, and have had many long talks about our values and interests. We've shared secrets and both respect each other very highly. This is the first relationship for both of us.

Recently I realized that I would like to be more physically intimate with him. We've held hands once--when nobody else was around, and when we part, we often hug briefly. We've hugged more closely during long talks (again, with nobody around), a couple of times; "held each other" would be a good way to describe it. Beyond this, we have done nothing else; it is always only when we are alone and late at night.

I told him recently that I wanted to be more intimate with him, since the spiritual/emotional bond between us is so close (this, I realize, is a part of my story that you will have to take on faith, and will no doubt be skeptical about), although I noted at that same time that I did not think we were ready for it yet. He agreed, noting that although others of his family expected him to be doing more, he was not yet ready.

I am wondering why this might be so, and what, if anything, I might do about it. He is a very shy person--again, he is never even minimally intimate while we are around others, and it took him over a month to ask me out, for instance. He is tentative and unsure of himself, definitely. Throughout his life he has repressed his feelings in this area because they were "unnecessary." In essence, he doesn't know what to do, and there may be other problems as well.

How can I help him get over this without pushing him? How can I make him feel comfortable with himself and with me? I do NOT want to rush him, because I cannot think of anything that would be worse for us, but if there's any feasible way for me to help him with this, I'd like to, because I am quite beside myself. Has anyone else had similar problems?

Let me clarify just a few things before you write a response:
1. My biggest concern is respecting him and his comfort zone, even to the point of being frustrated myself. I have made it clear to him repeatedly that I want to respect and honor him, and I know he believes me.
2. I do not want to have any variety of sex with him--that's not what I mean by "more intimate." What I mean by "more intimate" is hugging, cuddling, kissing (brief, not French kissing or necking or "making out"), and caressing. This is not about lust, it is about emotional connection, merely using the body in the most innocent way possible as a way to show deep, human affection. Therefore,
3. None of the clothes are coming off.

I expect most of the answers will be something along the lines of "Take it slowly; just leave it be," but more creative, insightful, atypical answers would be more appreciated.

[talaniman]

You may have to show him what you mean by initiating what you want slowly of course!

[LBP]

Yeah, lady... Kiss him and see what happens.

Boy, I must say I never had these sorts of concerns!

[blueshadow_393]

I think you should wait a little longer, mabye hold him a little longer in your embraces, when you are looking each other in the eye slowly get closer and smile. Little things, also I would wait for a good moment where things could go a little farther. For example go star gazing when there's a meteor shower, and take his hand.

Give him signs that you want to go further, like stand really close to him and stuff then look at his body language, if he doesn't pull away then your making progress, if he does then lay off for a little while then do it again.

I respect that you care for him above yourself that's very honorable of you.

Good Luck

[letmetellu]

Do not be afraid or ashamed to express your feeling for him. When walking reach for his hand, lean you head on his shoulder, look up into his face.
He may have the feeling that he is being too forward with you, show him he is not.
When sitting beside him don't be afraid to have some body contact with him, such as your legs touching, holding hands, say nice things about him, (I love your smile, you got the prettiest eyes, anything that will make him feel good about himself)
Just remember that some families are not as physical in showing their love for each other, and his family may be one of those, so you are going to have to show him it is OK.