[lisamason]

I don't know what the problem is... Sometimes I can by intercourse and sometimes by masturbation. But I would like to more often. I am 44 and I have a lot of anxiety issue's. I know I need to relax to have one and I really try, but it just don't happen. Any advice?

[Cat1864]

Are you on any medications that might be affecting how aroused you get and how well you handle distractions?

Relaxing is only a part of what helps in climaxing. Mental stimulation is another major factor. If your anxieties are keeping you distracted, then it will be more difficult for you to orgasm. Erotica in its many forms can be an aid to getting your mind involved. Sharing fantasies with your partner can also help both of you focus on the moment instead of any distractions that might come up like a stray thought about dirty dishes or next week's schedule.

Also remember that the female body is very different from the male. Many women have problems climaxing from penetration alone. Some find that different positions help. Sometimes, it can be as subtle as a slight angle change. Many women find that using fingers or an adult toy to stimulate the clitoris during sex can help.

Because our bodies change as we age, it can be a constant learning experience to find what works so be open to experimenting both by yourself and with your partner.

Don't put pressure on yourself to climax. If all you are thinking about is the destination, then you will end up missing a lot of great scenery along the way. Pressure can also be a major distraction that is very hard to overcome if you let it grow.

Good luck and have fun finding what works more reliably for you.