[halloweenie]

I've always been a slightly jealous person romantically, but I've always kept it under control. Last year, I was in an emotionally unhealthy relationship with a guy who would casually bring up his ex's multiple times a day, in various comments like, "She liked that too," or, "You remind me of her in _____ way". This caused me to become very jealous, like some how I was competing with someone who he wasn't even in a relationship with! Since then, any time a guy brings up exes, regardless of how rarely or casually it is, I lose my **** and get extremely sad. I feel like if people have ****ed other people before, then somehow I am just another person in line because I know they will **** people after me. It's almost like I have some sort of correlation between sex and self-worth. For example, I feel like if someone has been with more people than me then they are more desirable and I am less worthy because they have found more people willing to express love than I have. I've never had the best relationship with sex, after being abused by a boyfriend at 11. It seems like people run around and can sleep with whoever they want without this negative correlation I have, like there's something wrong with me because I can't see it like it's nothing. I consider myself to have fairly good self-esteem and I know this is entirely irrational thinking, but my stomach can't help but churn any time I picture my boyfriend with an ex. Sometimes it bothers me so bad I don't even want to have sex with him. It's terrible, I know, and I know what the problem is (past boyfriends) but I cannot figure out how to solve it.

[Cat1864]

Do you mind sharing how old you are? Just to be certain there isn't a typo, you had an abusive boyfriend at age 11? Do you mind sharing how he was abusive and how old he was? It may help to understand your needs a bit better.

I think your best option may be counseling. It sounds like you have been emotionally abused whether there has been physical abuse or not and neutral person may be best to help you find and resolve all of the issues.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you that you can't over-come with some professional help. Someone to guide you through the process of letting go the past, healing and moving forward.

Good luck.