[MsChin2000]

I met my husband 8 years ago. I was living alone and pregnant with my daughter. I knew my husband shortly before I became pregnant but we were only friends, as I was still with my ex, plus he was also in a relationship. He told me that he was also expecting a child but that he and his girlfriend was not together anymore. So we had something in common. We became closer, and soon after my baby was born, we decided to get serious. We had both parted with our exes because of their cheating. I had absolutely nothing to do with my ex, as he didn't work and couldn't help me financially with our child. He was also unwilling to accept her as his, so instead of wasting my life trying to get aid and attention from him for my child, I worked and did it on my own. So I basically have no dram nor does my husband have to go through any drama from him. Now, with my husband's ex, it's a totally different story. Since she found out that we were together, she has tried everything in her powers to sabotage what we have. She came to where my husband was living before we got married claiming that she wants to borrow his "printer". Then out of the blue, she needed to pee. My husband stupidly let her in the house to use the bathroom, because she was still pregnant at the time. She knew I was in there. So instead of using the bathroom, she attacked me! I had to defend myself of course. My husband was nowhere to be found until he came in and saw us all over each other! He claimed he was outside trying to get a hold of her mother to come get her because he knew she would cause trouble. If he knew this, why did he let her in the house in the first place? Anyway, then and there I was ready to end the relationship, because if things were like that already and she was only pregnant, what would happen when the baby came? Well so said so done! When the baby was born, she registered the baby using her name because she wanted my husband to have nothing to do with the baby at all. But she soon realized that she wouldn't be able to get a cent of child support without the child having the last name of the father. So she hurridly changed her plans, and my husband didn't even hesitate to sign the papers. She took him to court because she wanted more child support money, even though she was already getting the maximum. She still gave him a hard time to see his daughter, and the list goes on and on. I have put up with so much drama from them for so many years. Now, the child is 7 years old, and is at our house more than she's at her mother's house sometimes. My husbands still pays child support religiously and his ex still tries to take advantage. Now, when it comes to my own daughter, I do my best to not let her get in the way of my husband, whether it be for him to babysit her or anything. I make sure that I take care of her as my responsibility, even though we're married. Now his ex wants to leave their daughter at our house all the time after school claiming she has nowhere to leave her. What about day care? We also have been picking her up from school too! She is always crying about not having gasoline in her car. As if we alsways do! Whenever the child is at our house, she always ends up sleeping over for days because the mother fails to come get her. And of course, my husband doesn't mind because he prefers to have his daughter with us than with her. I told him that if the child is going to be with us so often, then we cannot be paying so much in child support. We also pay for tennis lessons for my daughter and his daughter, because his ex does not put the child into any form of activity. We also pay for a savings fund that we opened for both girls. I'm now pregnant with our first child together. Ever since his ex found out, she has been coming up with schemes to stress me out. At first, she told my husband that she probably has womb cancer and he will have to take care of their daughter. He has no problem with that - if it were at all true! Then that story died down and we never heard about it again. A few months later she came up with another story, this time it's that she's going to lose her house and she wants my husband to go to the bank and borrow money to lend her, or else his daughter will have nowhere to live. After that story died down, she came again with a story about here light and water being disconnected and that we have to take their daughter to live with us until whenever. So my husband told her that he will take the child, but he will not be paying child support for the time the child is living with us. She got upset and wouldn't speak to my husband. And miraculously, she still has light and water! I don't know what else she's going to come with, and honestly I'm getting tired of all this. My husband sometimes doesn't understand the stress I go through with all of this. He also wants his daughter here with us because he feels she's getting better care here whenever she arrives at our house, she's always hungry and goes straight for the fridge. I don't know what to do. I'm not a stay at home mom. I work, plus take care of the house and my daughter plus the baby we have on the way. I don't know if I can handle all this. Especially now that I'm pregnant. My husband sometimes think I'm superwoman and doesn't help around the house at all but that's another story. But for now, I really don't know what's going to happen to our marriage if things continue the way they are.

[0rphan]

Hi,

That's quite a story and an awful lot to put up with.Quite frankly what is your husband doing about all of this?
He needs to be a man,and stand up for you and your family.
I think being that his daughter almost lives with you now and it looks like you foot the bill for most things,she may as well move in permanently,I can't see the point of all this to-ing and fro-ing,it cannot be any good for the daughter or yourselves.
To me it seems as though it's the ex trying to hang on,interfering with your married life in the process... don't allow her to do this,tell her if she needs to speak to your husband, then she must phone first, not just turn up,if she does, then the door will not be opened... you'll only need to stand by this once.
You are absolutely right, she should not have all of the maintenance money if the child is with you most of the time... it may be you need to go back to court to sort this one out on a permanent basis.

I think you and your husband need to sit down and have a serious talk about all of your concerns regarding his ex. And his daughter.
He seems to have his head partially in the sand regarding all of this behaviour from his ex, and the effects this is having on yourself, eventually your marriage.
Tell him exactly how you feel,also that if something is not done about this situation,you fear that your marriage will suffer.

It is clear that this cannot go on indefinitely without something coming to a head.
Your husband MUST make a stand show who's boss,make definite decisions and stand by them,for the sake of you and his children... do not be second best in this,his ex. Is the outsider which is where she should stay.