[dieselblonde21]

Hi,
I just found this site and am going to try it out since I don't want to ask any of my friends so they don't think any differently of my man.

We got together a little over a year ago and I thought things were going great. He's 35 I'm 23 so I didn't think we needed to have a talk on if we were only seeing each other when we were always together.

About 5 months after we started hanging out I found out he was still sleeping with he's ex hook up buddy (they never dated). They work together and she won't leave him alone. He says its no big deal because he doesn't want her anymore and he didn't care about me that much back then and didn't think we'd become anything.

I keep checking his phone and it just makes him more mad he's very secretive but I'm not really finding anything anymore. I've lived with him for 4 months now with my daughter and things are good but we all but stopped having sex after I moved in. He says its just because he's tired. Which he is very busy so I do believe him on that. It took him 10 months to tell me he loved me. And I'm the first girl since his daughters mother 3 yrs ago he's said that to and I'm the only girl to ever meet his daughter.

But he won't give me the title of girlfriend because he thinks its stupid to label us but says eventually we'll label us just not right now. His friends all say he's come a long way with me but I still can't help but worry and always think he's doing something behind my back. I know he's sorry for what he did but he thinks very low of females. He thinks they're all out for money and will eventually leave.

How do you just stop worrying and relax in the relationship? I've never dated a guy like this has anyone else had these issues? He's not very emotional but when he is it makes me believe him 100% then my mind gets the best of me and I start pushing him away again... I know a lot of these are in my head. How do you handle this?

[stormiejo]

Girl get out while you can. First of all you belong with someone who is proud to have you beside him and labels are stupid. Girl please he hasn't had sex with you in how long cause he's tired. My husband has cancer and he still makes love to me he plays with the kids as much as he can. If you are looking to get married to this man you are crazy cause you will either be waiting forever or you will be the hidden wife who does all his bidding while he's doing all his bedding. If you can't trust him now then its not good. The 2 main ingredients to a relationship well three are trust communication and respect and you are better than that. All women are.

[Homegirl 50]

I think he is full of crap. You live with him but he won't call you his girl friend?
Why are you still there?

[talaniman]

Why would you even be with a fellow that doesn't help you define what the relationship is? What the heck is the commitment for? You don't know, but all you can do is hope. Sounds like he runs things to his advantage, and if you cannot talk to each other and resolve things to the benefit of you both, sorry, but you don't have a relationship, at least not a healthy equal one, but a convenient living arrangement. Convenient for him at least.

TALK! If you don't get some of what you want, then you leave. He doesn't trust females any way, of which you are one, nor does he respect them. Do you feel respected, loved, trusted? Stop snooping, and get to talking, or what's the point?

[dieselblonde21]

Ugh, you guys are all probably so right... this just sucks. I really do love him and I can't get it through my head that I put so much time and effort into basically nothing. He's great with my daughter and really does help me out when it comes to her. But he expects so much of me. I'm in school full time work full time and still make time for my daughter who is also in school. He works 3 nights a week as a bartender at a pool hall so basically he does nothing. He used to be a union carpenter. We used to have sex all the time and our sex life was amazing. He used to make me feel wanted and beautiful. Now I feel like I'm just a pain in his *** I seem to always make him angry. Could this possibly be me because of all the stress I'm under and how busy I am? Is there any hope of going back to how we were and saving this? Or should I just throw in the towel after everything we've been through?

[talaniman]

Financial changes bring all kinds of stresses into a relationship, and they can only be overcome by honest communications, and a willingness of BOTH partners to work together.

I have to say that downgrades in employment hurt self esteem, just as being overwhelmed with the changes in routines, and attitudes does. Understanding these changes and making adjustments is crucial, and to do that, you must talk to each other, and LISTEN to one another.

[Homegirl 50]

I'm wondering why you are living with a man who doesn't trust women and obviously does not respect them and you have a daughter in this mess. When he introduces you to people, what does he call you?
You need to talk to him, voice these concerns as they are big ones then ask yourself if you want to stay with a man who does not even acknowledge your relationship.