[SnOOp-DiZZLe]

I apologize for being so long winded I just want to make sure that you guys/gals have a good understanding what is going on. I have a 15 year old son that is currently in the youth home with NO set release date. He was placed in the youth home after his mother filed for incurability in October of 2006. I was never married to the mother and have just my basic non-custodial parent status. I have also fore filled my legal obligations with the friend of the court. I just received an Order for Reimbursement from the county that my kid is spending his time in. They are stating that I must pay 1 half the total bill of 169.00 per day beginning from Oct 12 2006 and his attorney fees. I was always under the impression that I was not legally responsible other than through the Friend Of Court as per stated in the court order as I am not a custodial parent with no physical custody. Am I really responsible for paying this?

Just to add to this… I requested that my child support be stopped as my son was no longer living with the mother. The FOC sent me a letter two months later stating that my support order be stopped effective 10-12-2006 and signed by a judge on December 14th 2006. I just called the FOC Friday afternoon to see if somehow my support would cover this reimbursement eliminating me from the obligation above. They told me that my support was redirected to the county and I never received any notification of this neither before or after the Order to Stop Support. They were uncertain and asked for my current employer information and stated that I had 1200.00 in arrearages?? The very next day (Saturday) I received a income withholding order. This shows my current support order, plus 33.00 in arrears and now a new line that says 198.00 for “Other” . Amazing how fast they sent this out and yet I was unable to get my situation resolved with them and was told to call back the next week.

I have asked her to take him out and she refuses to remove him from the youth home and there is nothing I can do to force her to do so as I don't have any legal rights. (You may ask, Why don't you take custody of your son?) This is not an option and has never been. Now if I am responsible for the one half of juvenile home fees and the mother is responsible for one half, I still have to pay child support plus the reimbursement. So this pretty much means that once she begins receiving the child support again, she will simply use that money to pay her fees forcing me to pay pretty much 100%. How unfair is this system...


Both the Mother and I are in Michigan.


Thanks

[RubyPitbull]

Snoop, it will help the legal professionals here if you could post what state you, and the boy's mother, are in.

Hopefully someone will get back to you with some guidance and direction within a reasonable period.

[SnOOp-DiZZLe]

Opps, sorry I have edited th post.

[RubyPitbull]

That's okay snoop. They will figure out that you edited in the answer to my question. No worries.

Hopefully someone will get back to you shortly. I commend you for being so thorough. It will help them tremendously.

I am sorry you are such a monetary quagmire. Sorry I can't give you proper advice myself.

[SnOOp-DiZZLe]

I can't believe that I have no choice in the matter and yet have to pay a growing bill that already exceeds 10K.

[kenrosebriar]

Quick Answer:

I am not a legal professional, and this is not legal advice.

Based on my experience, if you have any form of 'legal' custody ('physical' custody doesn't matter in this case), then you are legally responsible for paying this bill.

Added advice: Don't assume anything when it comes to the friend of the court, and never have another verbal conversation with them - work strictly in writing so you have a record.

Try to learn about what they actually can and can't do in your case - try visiting www.focproblems.com for information and to post your story in an environment where people may be having similar problems as you.

On a personal note, the real kicker in cases like yours is that while you are responsible for your son's delinquency, you can't take any measures as a parent to be involved in preventing any of this delinquency.

Now I have two questions for you:

1) Why is it impossible for you to be a parent to this child? (in 500 words or less... )

2) Did you abandon this child to face poverty and to rely on government assistance to self-sustain? In other words, when this child was born, were you there to take care of him or did you have nothing to do with raising this child or providing financially for his upbringing thus forcing his mother to rely on public assistance?

With sympathy and regret,

Ken Rosebriar
[email protected]

[SnOOp-DiZZLe]

Hey Ken,

To answer your questions, I had just turned 17 when I had a child and begged and pleaded for her to give the baby up in the first few weeks of her pregnancy. She was unwilling to do any such thing as she was just nearly 16 years old. I have tried to be a parent as unwillingly as I wanted to be. I was dragged through the FOC right away. I have been seeing my son off and on for his entire life and paying my support for the last 15 years. I was never on any government assistance and she currently works for the county and has 2 other children both with separate fathers.

I don’t have any "good" reason for not wanting custody, I could lie to you and make up a story, but I just don’t want the responsibility of taking care of child and its just best left in the mothers hands not the state. I see him every other weekend and that’s about all I can do.

I have been out of work for the past 2 years and just recently landed a very good job. I have used up much of my savings to survive during this time and still paid the FOC after being rejected for a reduction in support.

Now looking forward to the end of child support counting down, I'm now being financially ruined by him and his mother. This causes a lot of resentment for both of them. I am recently married and trying to start our lives together and it just seems that the mother is always looking for a way to ruin my life.

[SnOOp-DiZZLe]

Another question to add, and I really apologize for being so long winded in this entire post. I just have a great deal of emotion from this whole situation I have been placed in. It does look like I will be responsible for this bill, which just disgusts me if making one payment for FOC was not bad enough.

Would there be any way that the child be placed accountable for the bill at least partially? I Just feel as if I am the one being punished for his behavior and her lack of parenting. Being a parent now with apparent legal obligations can't I say that I want the child to pay this….

[SnOOp-DiZZLe]

I have spoken to 2 attorney's this morning, becaue I hold the title "Father" makes me responsible to pay and nothing I can do about it, however I am not able to make a parental choice or grab the child out of school because I don't have the legal rights. I will attempt a 3rd attorney call today to see if I hear some better news. That's what leads me to the above question of making the child responable??

And I agree 100% "never rely on a "friend" who works for the courts." it sems that they are only a friend to the women.

[RubyPitbull]

I am not an attorney which is why I declined to even try to advise you on this.

However, as an FYI, the child cannot be held financially responsible. He is a minor. Once he is 18, you are off the hook financially.

This really is between you and the mother of the boy. It is a very sad situation for both of you. You need to ask the attorneys what recourse you have. The best thing to do is to make an appointment for initial consultation. They don't usually charge for that. Doing it on the phone is very difficult. If you are sitting in front of them with all the paperwork that you have collected on this, you might have a more definitive response.

[SnOOp-DiZZLe]

He is a minor. Once he is 18, you are off the hook financially.

But I will still be responsible for this bill well past his 18th birthday, probably into his mid-20's. This is what makes me sick.

[RubyPitbull]

I was speaking from a normal legal parent/child obligation. I don't know what you have agreed to or what the paperwork says. This sounds extremely strange. I really think you need to have a sit down with a local attorney as I suggested. It might be worth spending money on legal fees to start filing paperwork to try to severe yourself as early as possible from this situation. I have never heard of anyone being forced to be financially obligated past the age of 18 unless the child is attending college, then it gets stretched to 22.

Make some more calls to attorneys in your area. Don't get into everything over the phone. They will just push you off because they don't want to give out free legal advice.
So, make an appointment and tell the secretary that you will explain your situation when you come in. And, bring all your documentation with you.

[SnOOp-DiZZLe]

Thanks, that makes me feel a little better.

[RubyPitbull]

I can see that you are frustrated and I really do feel for you. I am so sorry that this is placing you in such an anguished state.

This whole thing is so convoluted and you really need the advice of a good attorney. The resources on this site are limited to what we read. If one of the attorneys stopped by this posting, they would advise you to find an attorney in your area, as I have.

It is really such a shame that his mother doesn't take on the bulk of the responsibility for this and doesn't seem to want to let you move on with your life. I am sure she is blaming it on no father figure and possibly thought at one time that you and she would get married. It really is very disturbing.

I know you would like to be able to throw this financial situation back onto your son, but it really isn't his fault he has turned out this way. I hope for everyone's sake someone at this facility can get through to him and help him turn his life around or else this heartbreak will continue through all of your lives.

I truly am sorry for the pain you are in. Good luck. I hope you find a good and thorough attorney to help you through the legalities of all this.

[SnOOp-DiZZLe]

Thanks Ruby... I appreciate your words and kindness!