[EMBEMB]

I am a divorced mother of four kids aged 7-13. There were only a few occasions of what I would consider emotional abuse during the divorce process. However I am dating again and am experiencing a problem. My family has regular get-togethers usually organized by either my mom or my aunt. They both were very unhappy about the divorce as they enjoyed my ex and the four wonderful kids we have. The problem is that my ex is still being invited to the weekly family functions even though I have moved on and really need the space to pursue a relationship with a man I am dating seriously. I have expressed my extreme displeasure to my mother that my ex is still being invited. Her response is that they still love him. My response is that that is OK, just love him outside of the only family interaction I have available to me. At the last one, my ex promised to not go, but within minutes of my arrival, his parents showed up, who I hadn't seen since before the divorce. I left. My family is not getting the hint. The consistent message I keep getting is that I am invited and why should my ex not come if I am not ever showing up. Now my family get-togethers are being turned into birthday parties for my kids on HIS weekend, meaning the kids can't attend without my ex. I am at my wits end. My side of the family seems oblivious and uncaring. I am crushed. Any advice?

[cdad]

If they can't respect your wishs then you just have to cut them off. They are already telling you that is what they want.

As far as your ex goes they can do what they want as they are all adults. It just seems very odd to me.

[JudyKayTee]

I was divorced years ago. My parents were very close to my ex and my ex to this day is an important part of my Mom's life. (My Dad has since died.) I never went into detail about the problems in our marriage. Of course, I did not have children.

My late husband (I remarried following the divorce) had two children and had a very bitter divorce BUT he and his "ex" continued to see each other at family functions (both sides) with the children because he did not want his children exposed to the bitterness a divorce can create. He remained cordial to his ex-in-laws and they remained cordial to him.

I don't know how he did it, but his children now realize how hard both of their parents worked to keep them secure, knowing both sides of the family loved them no matter what.

Sometimes you just have to suck it up for the good of the children.