[melody.evers]

I have been with my husband for 3 yrs and have been married for about 9 months. I have wondered for a long time about his sexuality and it has recently been brought up again after learning of anothere incident... to start, when we first started seeing each other the sex was fine(I think it was the newness of the relationship). After a short period sex went out the window(could also be from drug/alcohol abuse)... I found a journal of his(snooping and trying to figure out what was going on) telling of how he couldn't wait to see his male friend(who was married... and the fact that the man was visiting him in jail-DUI)and wanted to tell him how he felt about him(siad he "loved him more than just family")but was afraid to tell him because he didn't want to freak his friend out)HUGE RED FLAG! Then later in our relationship we decided to do things right and wait until we were married(but that journal entry never left my mind completely) Later in our relationship he happened to tell me a story of him and his ex(how he was wearing her underwear and bra or something like that and he answered the door in this attire when her ex-husband knocked). Since then he has become very critical of my weight and clearly acts as if he could care less about me in or out of the bedroom. He always seems to have male friends that he clings to(usually one at a time). This creates issues with me as well(he defends his friend(which happens to be married) to the end no matter what, he wants one on one time with that friend, that friend can tell him the worst joke ever and he laughs like a school-girl, he talks to this friend multiple times a day(we don't even talk), etc... now recently we have moved out of state and he now has a new friend(who has a girlfriend) and the cycle is starting over again. Sex since we have been married can be counted on one hand and not memorable at all to say the least. Now recently, I heard of another story of him coming out in front of other house guests of this person telling me the story and he was wearing that same ex's frilly robe over her pj.s(and she wasn't even there at the house)... I would chalk it up to just being paranoid but something just doesn't seem right... We spend absolutely no time together, we can go days without saying more than a 4-word sentence to each other, he cleary likes his male friends way too much(can talk on the phone for hours, multiple times a day), he is and has always been more emotional than any woman I know, he is not sexually attracted to me(or has no sex-drive: could be his alcohol or drug abuse), he is very critical of everything, he comes from a very religious family that would not accept homosexuality, he is neither feminine or masculine other than his emotions(feminine)and football(masculine). I have wracked my brain and can't figure it out... he's not a cheater(that I know of) so is he gay?

[Cat1864]

I can't tell you if he is gay, bi or straight. That is something he has to figure out and talk to you about. Have you asked him?

I can say that drug and alcohol abuse/addiction can greatly affect a person's interactions with others and their sex life. Even after they get clean, depending on what drugs were used, the damage can still cause problems for years to come. In some cases, even permanently.

Enjoying cross-dressing is not really a sign of being gay. Many very heterosexual men enjoy the feel of women's clothing as much as some women enjoy men's clothing. He would be the only one who could tell you why he does.

I think you need to look into marriage counseling. This is a very young marriage and it seems that you may need outside/neutral help in learning how to communicate with each other. Counseling can also be a safe place to deal with topics of a very sensitive and emotional nature.

Good luck and I hope things get better.

[jresma]

I think for this issue 90% percent positve but don't you worry because guy to guy is for fun to them. At the end he always come home to you and that is the most important thing. Even if he is a gay that person still have a man aura left inside and want to settle.^^