[lydiaamos]

Throughout high school and until I hit college I thought I was a lesbian but when I got a crush on a boy I decided well, of course I was wrong. I then identified as bisexual and dated several men almost all with terrible results. I have been with my now husband for about 4 years old and we have a little girl together. I love him and feel like we are amazing friends but have lately realized I have had less and less interest in sex with him or any male and more and more with women. I can't stop fantasizing about a life with a woman instead of what I have although by many standards my life is good. I feel like something is missing(not just sex) and utterly trapped. My husband has always known I was bisexual and has been supportive but it seems like my urges have gone beyond that. I worry I have made a mistake getting married but really care about my husband. My guilt and stress from the confusion is causing major depression. Any advice?

[lahlah143]

I am also bisexual, I understand you 100%, I think you should follow your heart. If you really are unhappy in your relationship with your husband, and think you will be a better fit with a female, then talk to your husband about it. Also, think about your daughter, if it matters to you having her grow up with two mommys, some people might not agree with your decision but its complety up to you.

[JudyKayTee]

Can you talk to your husband? Can you tell him what you are feeling and experiencing?

I have a very dear friend who is bisexual and I've seen her go through many changes. She is married, has a good relationship with her husband, occasionally thinks about having sex with another woman. They decided a long time ago to be monogamous and so she stays in a heterosexual marriage, occupies herself with fantasies and is generally very happy.

Is that what you would prefer to do - or is it time for you to leave the marriage?

[Cat1864]

Are you focusing on sexual identity and needs as a way to ignore other things that might be bothering you?

Are you feeling like you are in a rut or trapped in your marriage?

Before you make any major decisions about leaving your husband, sit down and examine your life and marriage. Make certain that you aren't bored (or trying to convince yourself you aren't.) See if you can improve your current relationship instead of throwing it all away and finding out later that it doesn't matter who you are with because there is still a void you are trying to fill.

Marriage isn't easy especially with a young child. You can get so caught up in the daily grind and issues that you lose sight of why you married the person you did. The reality of living with another person and each day blurring into the next can start the mind looking for escape. It is part of the reason the suggestion is often made to make certain you have 'me' time you can spend doing things with your friends or by yourself. It is also important to have 'couple' time where you get to be a couple and not parents.

Talk with your husband. Find out what exactly your needs are. See if together you can work on strengthening your marriage. You aren't losing anything by trying. You might be gaining a better understanding of yourself and your needs.

Good luck.