[mackslate]

I need help I can't get over the fact that my children's mother doesn't want me anymore. We have two beautiful kids boy and girl we even broken up over the past eight yrs more than six times at least.

Now we've been going to church and talking to someone but her feelings haven't changed she says she loves me but isn't in love with me and that our time has past there is a whole lot more that comes with this but to make a long story short I still love her even thou she is sleeping with someone and I want my family back. I don't know what to so and I can't date at all right now! Can anyone give me the solution?

[Kahani Punjab]

Mackslate,

I welcome you to this wonderful site, first!

This is a really so complex situation, you are passin' through. You love her, she says so, but does not seem to be doin' it practically. Is not it, what you want to say? Communication is the thing, which bridges many a gap. See if it is possible. Her saying 'she loves you' values much, even as you may not be giving much weightage. Women lie rarely in such matters, I mean, when they become familiar too much, as it is in your case (remember - intimacy and familiarity are two different things), they become frank and often say, "I do not love you", even if they have not absolutely forsaken you. There is chance of revival of love. Do the things she likes you to do, and let her do, what she wants. What was the basica bone of contention, can I know?

[talaniman]

Your solution is TIME

Time to accept the changes in your life

Time to ponder the adjustments on your part to those changes.

Time to heal from your loss.

Time to rebuild without her.

Time is all you need to come to terms with what you have gone through.

Then you will get busy rebuilding a life without her. I know its not easy, just focus for now on being a great dad, which I know you will, so good luck.

[vanheart]

You kids are still yours, even if she isn't.

I would concentrate on them and you, not her.

It will get better.

Who knows, this may be the start to an amazing life.

Its up to you.

[Jake2008]

In the past 8 years, you say you have broken up at least six times. What has been the cause of these breakups; has each breakup been because of the same thing? I presume there have been some very serious issues that you have not mentioned to explain all the breakups. It would help to have a little more information on the marriage.

And, during all these breakups, nearly one a year, for 8 years, you and your wife have produced two children. How has the relationship between you and your wife affected them?

Have you, during all this time, gone to any counselling, other than this last time where you are seeking help from your church.

It's next to impossible without a longer version of your story, to offer advice to help you. I'd say until you know the marriage is either over, or it is worth salvaging, neither of you should be dating anybody.

More information would be helpful.

[mackslate]

To all who have offered advice, I thank you very much. I would have never thought I would be having to ask for help for the way I feel. I want to answer to all of you and give you the info you need because I'm knee deep in it now and I'm very honest yes there is a lot more to this story and I will share as soon as I learn how!:)

[Wondergirl]

I've been reading this thread, and will be glad to offer my suggestions too. I look forward to hearing more about your situation. (There's a terrific and helpful bunch of people on this site who will do their best for you.)