[Kcl2.0]

So my life so far hasn't been full of joy and good fortune, quite the opposite actually, my friends ar always in and out, and I hate a lot of people, but the past few years a lot of **** has been going through me. I've had several total mental break downs where I got so mad at myself I punched holes in the wall, broke furniture and cracked a brick from my drive way in half with a shovel. All these freak outs included screaming at myself until I couldn't speak because my throut hurt so much, and I would scream at pictures of people and things in my house saying "you never helped me with anything!" and screaming "its not fair!" or "im never going to be good at anything!" for hours. In these out burst all my thoughts, my honest thoughts came out all at once. Because no one had ever stood up for me, and how I hated about every third person I knew, even members of my family. Also I dislocated my shoulder three times in about five months so I need surgery on it, so I can't do any of the sports I used to play, which helped me vent, and that was another thing that set me off too, mad at myslef for injuring myself so many times

Ive always had what I thought were the symptomes of depression, but now a days they seem even more amplyfied. I had some recent issues with friends, which led to another out burst, but they soon subsided, but I seem more distant from them now, and I even apologised to someone for something that happened last year between me and them, which at the time made me feel a lot better, but now that all that has past, I'm starting to feel worse. My "symptomes have increased. Examples are weak knees when I feel sad, endless joint pains, achey muscles, back pain head aches like you wouldn't believe, huge trouble concentrating, forgetting everything, to a point where it has become a big problem, restlessness, trouble sleeping, trouble getting out of bed, short temper, very irritable, like literally everything bothered me, uncontrolable frustration where little things like my dog nipping at my ancles would get me so antsy I was about to kick my dog in the face, but I didn't, and I scratched off part of the side of my house kicking it. Also I could never be comfortable, always grumpy, always low energy, dark thoughts, and couldn't see straight. I also stopped having dreams intirely, id just lay awake in bed then wake up the next morning feeling like ****.

Is this depression? Or am I just going insane. Or both

[erine]

You seem like you're going through a tough time, we all have before. Just relax, find the good in life. Instead of releasing your feelings by yelling or getting physical maybe consider a journal? If you have a school counselor they can be really great to talk to and open up, also if you're really worried about being depressed or having anger issues talking to your doctor might be something to consider. With your friend problems, are you being the fun person you can be around them? Or are you possibly complaining, getting mad over stupid things that don't matter, blaming problems on them. These can be a simple fix to a start of a good friendship. Good luck!