[Sinned35]

I am 35 years old and had been seeing a married man for 10 years. After many years of unsuccessful attempts to leave him, I finally gave up and decided to spend the rest of my life with him... As a second priority, mistress..
I truly love this man and had allowed myself to sinned. His wife had all along knew my existence but kept quiet as she loves this man very much too. They have two teenager children and the man dotes them.
I have decided to give up my pride and future for this man and lately have been considering to share a child with him.
He do not seems to approve the idea and worried how our future child and myself is going to cope with social stigma.
I'm not worried about bracing myself to the society but truly worried for my innocent child to-be.
Should I give up the idea to have a child with him... But I really love him so much such that I truly want to share a gem of our love with him..

[ScottGem]

You didn't seem to be asking a legal questions so I moved this from Family Law.

What you should be doing is finding someone who truly loves you, not be a "piece on the side". The only thing I agree with this man on is that its not fair to the child to bring one into this situation.

[talaniman]

Of course you give up the idea of bringing a child in this world with a married guy, and he doesn't want you to either.

Look lady, its bad enough you have sinned, but to curse a child with your sin, is selfish, unacceptable, stupid, and a lousy way to leave a legacy for your offspring.

Because you made a decision to be second class, why put that on him, or her??

[vanheart]

That's what you get for dating a married guy.
Always #2, or 3.

And for 10 years!!

To even think about having a baby with him is twisted and very wrong.

Seek out some professional counseling. Its not too late to start over.

Stop what you are doing.

[Jake2008]

It is very sad to me that at your age, you have settled with the idea of remaining with a married man who has no intent to divorce his wife for you.

You are also dealing with the fact that age is creeping up on you, and your biological clock is ticking.

And, you seem to think that having a baby will solidify your relationship with your lover, and somehow provide you with your need to have a family of your own.

Not to mention that he already has two children, and does not wish to have a child with you.

So what do you have. You have a man who is married. He has a family with is wife and two children. They are his priority. He lives his life with them, and progresses with the growing responsibilities of maintaining his marriage, raising two teenagers, and has no intent to change anything- for you. You are left, and have been left for a decade- waiting for more from him. It will never happen.

So knowing that you will never be #1 in his life, he will never treat any child you have with him as 'his own' in the true sense, as far as raising him/her, and has no desire to change his life to be with you, you will always remain where he has decided you will be. A single woman, seeing a married man, on the side, when it is convenient for him. Does it make sense that having a baby won't solve anything?

It is easy, from the outside looking in, to be critical of the position you have found yourself in. I can only guess at the turmoil you are facing, and the emotions that go along with making decisions.

I do think that counselling as has been said already, is a very good idea for you to learn how your thinking is clouding and preventing your own success. At the very least you deserve a loving relationship of your own, complete with a family. There are reasons you cannot break free from this relationship, and I do think counselling will help you find a healthier way of looking at your life, and making some changes.

It really is up to you, and only you, how you choose to live your life. I hope you will at least seek help to know that there are alternative paths that you can choose.