[mmrkopm]

In 2006 when my divorce was final, I got primary custody of our 4 kids. Rangeing in age from 3 to 9. Proceeding the final orders my ex made it point to let our oldest daughter (age 9) know that when she turned 13 she would get to decide weather she lived with him or me. He spent 4 years drilling it into her head. My ex moved out of the state at that same time, making it very hard to abide by the visitation orders. I allowed all children travel out of state during the older kids summer break for visitation. The older 2 kids even lived out of state with him for 6 months, when he abruptly moved across the country. He willingly brought the 2 right to me.(2009) Last summer I did the same thing I have been doing with visitation, only right before they were due to return home my oldest called me and said she was turning 13 in month and wanted to stay and live with her dad. Reluctantly I agreed. The year before she decided to stay she was on the honor roll for the entire school year. Participated in sports, enjoyed her siblings and was an all round great kid! In the last year her grades have gone down, acted bothered when her siblings call her, no longer interested in sports and has adopted the emo look, which I feel very dark. Now I'm regreting the choice that I made. I feel that it is not in the best interest of the child she stay. We did our own modification to the orders stating that unless she change her mind to come back to live with me she would stay. This modification was never filled in court. Is it to late for me to ask the court that she be returned to my care? What are the chances the judge will say well you let her go now she stays? Any advise on how to handle this situation?

[joypulv]

The court order still stands.
Your daughter may have changed regardless of who she lived with, and she may be a handful now, but it's your right to keep the agreement ordered by the court.

[ScottGem]

Why did you agree? Your husband lied. In NO US state can a child decide which parent to live with (it would help if we knew what state you live in). Only a court can award custody. Some states might give more weight to the child's decision. But I doubt if a 13 yr old would be giving so much weight to the decision.

However, the fact that you let her stay and even signed this agreement will influence the court. You can try to recant the agreement and ask that the current order be enforced. If you have some evidence that the child is not doing well in school under the father's care, that will help.

But there is no way to predict which way this will go. But I would definitely try.

[mmrkopm]

At the time I was overwhelmed with the request. My ex threatened to take me to court then. In my mind I was thinking, I'll let her go cause the fear of losing her permanently was far greater. I knew that there would be a time and a place that I would have to fight to have her. After going to visit her, and see the environment that she lives in. The decline in her grades. Seeing time and time again that she has little to no supervision. The realization that she is his girl-friends personal baby sitter, and the fact that she is expecting. There is no question in my mind that she will be caring for the new baby on a regular biases. She will not be able to be a regular 14 year old girl. I live in Colorado and my ex lives in Arizona. I can support the decline in her academics, I receive her progress reports and report cards directly from the school in Arizona.

How do I begin assert my rights to the agreement ordered by the court? I'm filling a motion to the court to modify the child support.(separete deal) Do I wait till we are in court and ask then or I do I send a certified letter stating that I no longer agree to that agreement and request her immediate return.

[ScottGem]

I vote for adding a motion to your support hearing compelling her return. He will be severed with notice of this motion and can either return her or fight it.

[mmrkopm]

OK one more thing... I'm doing this without an representation. How do I add it to the motion? Can I file more than one motion together? I had others I wanted to file also. How does it affect the court cost? Does it double? Example: motion to modify support is $105.00 and motion to modify parenting time is also $105.00. So would it be $210.00 or stay at the $105.00 covering all motions?

[ScottGem]

The court clerk can help you on the filing fees. It will vary from court to court. You might try to find a local law school that may have a law clinic to help you with the forms. Or hire a paralegal. You probably don't need representation unless he has an attorney. Family courts are generally less formal as far as motions are concerned.