[kittykittymeow]

Me and my guy have been together for over a year and a half now, and he told me today that he wants to break up. In the past (years before we started dating), I had a problem with alcohol and used to have sex with people I did not know well. I also got raped twice and molested three times during this period. Overall I've been with between ten and fifteen guys, all of whom I regret except my boyfriend.
My boyfriend is having a very hard time getting over this, and lately he says he cannot handle it anymore. He says he does not get attracted to me because he always thinks about the other people I've been with. He says he does not want to have sex anymore because he does not get turned on because of this. What should I do? I cannot change the past, and it's hard on me as well to think about what I used to do and go through. However, I don't want to lose my boyfriend either. He is my lifeline, and we are in a very serious relationship. What should I do?

[Cat1864]

If he can't get over your past, that is his problem. It is not his right or privilege to make you feel bad about yourself and a past you cannot change. It is better to let him go before his thoughts destroy what has been a good relationship.

If there are other problems and he is using your past as an excuse to break up, then he may not be the person you thought he was.

If you have problems with your past, then you may want to think about counseling. Support groups for survivors of rape and molestation may also help you put your past in its proper place while showing you that you are not alone.

As much as it hurts now, I wouldn't want to be with someone who cared more about my past than me. If he can't accept you as the sum of all your parts and experiences, then he isn't the man for you. He isn't the 'lifeline' you want him to be.

It may be time to recognize how strong you are with or without him and believe in yourself. Be your own 'lifeline'. Do you have interests or hobbies that help you feel good about yourself?