[itsumome]

I'm with my first partner ever and we have had sex multiple times a week for the last 3 months. I know I haven't given much time yet I guess but I find it weird that I've never orgasmed when we've had sex together. I've done it by myself before so I know I'm able. I don't know what to do! I mean I still like sex, it's fun and it brings us closer and I like to make him happy but I'd like to actually orgasm obviously. I've tried being on top and that hasn't done anything and he's experienced so its not him. I just don't know if I should tell him or not.. I've been faking it all this time and I'm sure he'd be really upset to find that out ><. Should I just keep faking it and not tell him? Im not sure what to do. Is this even normal??

Also he's gone down on me and fingered and that hasn't done it either, it just feels a little good.

[talaniman]

I would want my partner to be honest, and tell me what it would take to rock her world.

No need to fake it. And don't assume that previous experience means he knows what YOU need. Especially since you have not been honest with him. He falsely thinks you are getting off.

[hheath541]

Talk to him about it. It could be that you're not completely comfortable letting go that completely with someone else. If that's the case, then the only thing that will have a chance of fixing it is if you talk to him about it and work on being more comfortable with your body around him.

Some women can't orgasm from penetration alone. That may be you. Once again, talk to him about it. Have fun exploring what works for you, together, and help him learn your body. Tell him what feels good, what works, what's pointless and does nothing for you, what you want or wish he would do. He's not a mind reader. If you're faking orgasm, then you're probably not giving vocal feedback during sex to let him know what he's doing right, and wrong.

Learn. Explore. Have fun. Talk about likes and dislikes. Help him learn your body, while you learn his. It'll be better for both of you.

Also, don't be afraid of feeling a little silly or laughing if something goes wrong. If you're worried about making mistakes or being embarrassed, you're going to be too worried to really enjoy yourself.

[Fr_Chuck]

So how long of fore play do you do, does he help you have one or several before the "sex" begins ( although I consider a lot of fore play part of sex)

[itsumome]

But he does do foreplay and pays attention to me constantly and it does turn me on! I just can't seem to orgasm when he penetrates. And though I like fingering it just feels good. It doesn't get me up to an orgasm or any feeling like it.
And I am getting more and more comfortable around him but I'm scared of dissapointing him I guess. I want to make sure he has a 'good time' you know?
I don't think I can tell him that I've been faking it because he'd just be so hurt : (

[Wondergirl]

The female body is not designed to orgasm when he penetrates. And a male body is designed to have a good time no matter what happens with the female, so no worries there.

Go the library to 312.6 and look for a book called The Joy of Sex. Check it out. Read it (lots of illustrations). Be sure to take it back on time (or renew it).

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, have you tried some of the stimulation rings for him to wear, it can help. As can other toys.

But enjoy it in the foreplay, he will really care less what happens after that as long as he is OK ( sorry he is most likely a normal man)

[hheath541]

If you won't talk to him and explain what's going on, then he won't know it needs fixed. He's not going to do anything differently unless you give him a reason to.

Look at it this way: having sex with someone is as physically intimate as you can get. If you're comfortable sharing something like that, you SHOULD be comfortable talking about it. You should have the level of emotional intimacy to be able to talk about it before you progress to the level of physical intimacy that makes the talking necessary.

[Cat1864]

How aroused are you before you ever get close to getting undressed?

For a female physical stimulation is only a part of the whole. Mental stimulation is where arousal and climax begin. In many cases that stimulation begins hours before getting into bed. Anticipation can be great foreplay.

The more you worry about his pleasure the harder it is for your system to get geared up to the point of climax. Note I said 'worry'. Worry is a distraction. However, thinking about each others enjoyment and sharing the sensations should be a turn on.

As hheath said, have fun. Talk about what you like and dislike. Sharing fantasies can be a way to get you both on the same page.

Take the pressure off yourself to reach a goal and really enjoy the journey. You might surprise yourself.

[Tamsyn]

Toys. I had exactly the same problem! I really really enjoyed the sex and foreplay etc etc, but I needed clitoral stimulation as well, go get a 'lady finger' vibrator or something similar and use that on your clitoris whilst having sex

[talaniman]

The best part of sex with a partner, is exploring with each others minds, and bodies. How else can you know what works, and what doesn't?

[understandme]

I had the same problem until I met my current partner. I would suggest trying out some different positions that may encourage outer stimulation while you are having sex. Just try to relax and don't get too hooked up on the fact you are not having an orgasam. I found the more I thought about it the worse it was. Good luck and it will happen one day.

[itsumome]

He does care even after he orgasms, he'll go again until he's sure I 've done it to ( but I fake it so.. )
Id feel so embarrassed to ask him use toys!
I'm just so embarrassed about the whole thing, I'm like messed up. How can I not orgasm?? That's not normal :(

[talaniman]

Don't freak out. This is your first relationship, and you have a lot to learn about yourself, and your partner is all. That start with honest communications, relaxing, and have FUN learning.

Don't let FEAR get in the way start talking and solve this together. That's what relationships are about. Learn to work together through honest communications, and the guilt has no place when you share, care, and support each other. Now get to talking, he may surprise you. You may surprise yourself.

[Synnen]

What do you mean, it's not normal?

It's COMPLETELY normal!

MOST women NEVER orgasm from intercourse. NEVER.

Plus, a female orgasm is about 10% physical and 90% mental. You're stressing too much about the destination, and can't enjoy the journey enough to get there. You'll NEVER orgasm with this man if you don't come clean and just RELAX about having one.

If you keep stressing about it, it will never happen.

[AJ_Hunsucker]

It is quite normal. More than 50% of women never experience any orgasm throughout their life. Not having an orgasm does not mean you are abnormal.

[itsumome]

I appreciate all the advise and support everyone! Thank you ^ ^

[raycan]

Open communication! He's not "experienced". A real lover knows when his girl orgasms or not. Either he doesn't give a rats *** and wants to only *** for himself or he really doesn't know how to do you right... faking orgasm isn't going to help the guy get you to climax. Be honest now and stop the faking. If you continue to fake it, he will continue to think he's good when he's not. Also don't be afraid to help yourself doing intercourse. Is there anything wrong with rubbing your own **** during intimacy. I'm sorry but you nor him seem to be "experienced" as you said. I don't know who your dude is but just because a guy may have done sexual things in the past with other girls does not mean he knows what he's doing. If he was experienced, trust me, you would have had an orgasm. Since you obviously have had an orgasm with masturbation, you need to SHOW him how to do it. Show him how the things you do that makes you bust a nut. If not, then eventually you're going to end up leaving him because you will get bored especially since you know how it feels to orgasm. Wouldn't that suck if you guys end up together for 10 years and you faked orgasms the whole time. I'll leave it at that. I think you'll know what to do.

[Cat1864]

All lovers have to learn what their partners need. Of course the partner needs to know first to be able to communicate those needs.

Even with the best lovers in the world, many women still need outside help from fingers or toys to climax.

As for being able to tell, sometimes the male can't because he may be caught up in his own climax or the signs of the female's climax may not be as easily read or felt as the media would have people believe. Some orgasms can be mind shattering but have very little physical effect.

The difference between a good lover and bad one is whether he/she is willing to be open and work with his/her partner to make the journey great whether a goal is reached or not.

[QLP]

The difference between a good lover and bad one is whether he/she is willing to be open and work with his/her partner to make the journey great whether a goal is reached or not.

The definative answer. Perfect.