[laurenb01]

Hi I've been reading a few of these threads and find the advice helpful.

Basically, I'm a female, dating a female, and my girlfriend of 3 years asked for a break a couple of months back, but as we were living together, it never really materialized.

Anyway, again it was brought up and in July. We went on a break for nearly a month. It was really hard for both of us especially as I never wanted it in the 1st place. It was heartbreaking to hear that because we are madly in love but things this past year have been difficult to say the least so I gave her what she asked for.

Her mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and the mood has been heavy. I've been trying to be there to support her in any way whilst still respecting that she might need time to get her head around it as its pretty traumatic seeing someone so close so sick.

There have been fights between me, and my girlfriend, probably due to stress so we took the break with no contact. Like I said it was difficult and I noticed she was texting me more and more saying how much she loved me and missed me.

So in August we were back home together again. I knew everything wasn't back to normal as she said she still needed time etc so our lease was up in September, and we moved out individually. Thing is, for the past 2months or so things seemed really normal again, we spent lots of time together being happy and acting all coupley, still living together with her making all the moves asking me to come up home with her weekends and calling non stop etc.

Then last week being our 1st full week living in our new places, she called me so upset and saying it'll be so hard not living/being around me everyday, then I've barely heard from her since then, until now, when I question her about what's going on she tells me that we're still on a break and she needs to get her head right etc. She doesn't know what she wants but wants to meet with me to talk about it as she loves me and thinks this will be a chance for us to have space etc.

Its leaving in me a lot of doubt as there's no time span on how long this must go on for. It feels as though its been going on since before summer with no happy end in sight. I'm living far away from home and am beginning to feel really lonely. I'm being patient but direct. At the end of the day I love her to bits and don't want to give up on us, but this is breaking my heart. What do I do?

[talaniman]

You have done everything in this break except disappear, and build a life for yourself without her.

Give her what she asked for, without your false hope of things changing, and you being way to emotionally available.

Break=Break up!!

[vanheart]

She had continued to give you that message.

Every way until Sunday. But you keep pressing it.

"as I never wanted it in the 1st place"

That's how it goes. The breaker & the breakee.

If you really care about her, respect her wishes.

"no happy end in sight"

I disagree. It just isn't going to be with her. Your end is miles away.

Its all how you start living without her & stop hanging on to something falsely.

Go NC.

[mmresd]

A break is a break up. Don't allow the "break". Break it off completely and let her feel as you are feeling now. Two things will be accomplished this way. First, she will notice how much she misses you (if she does) and will have a choice to make whether to be with you or not. Second, you can start moving on in case she never comes back, don't wait for it, live your life.

[vanheart]

I disagree.

NC is about you healing & moving on. All about you. Nothing about her.

So what if she misses you. She wanted to break. Over & over.

If you spend all your time wondering if she's missing you, then you will be spinning your wheels backwards.

Tuff luck on her. Later girl.

You are broken up. Don't wait around.

[laurenb01]

Thanks for the advice. We met up and there was a lot of tears shed from both sides. There was a lot of talking. Wev broken up. She said she love me so much, she's not in a good place right now and she needs to be sure about us? Whatever that means? She says its not fair on her stringing me along and just needs time. If wer meant to be then we are meant to be.
Im heartbroken, devastated. Ive lost my best friend and my girlfriend. Im trying my hardest to be strong and let me tell you its not easy. I could look at it 2 ways, which is that yeah maybe in 3months time or so she will have realised how much I mean to her and want to give it a go slowly. I would honestly be made up if I heard that. A girl can hope BUT I know I can't depend on that and maybe we are over for good. Its still very raw. For 3 and a bit years this girl was my life remember.
I agree with what you guys are saying with the no contact thing, its hard but I will be making no contact. For my own sanity if nothing else until at least Ive had enough time to come to terms with it.
Like I say its hard for anybody to get an insight into a relationship unless you've been in it yourself. I never noticed that I was maybe making myself too emotionally available, been very strong for her and being a constant support for her while her mums ill which she knows but yes maybe by my recent insecure need to be closer to her while our relationship has been in doubt has made me more emotionally available. I'll stop doing that.

[Fr_Chuck]

Remember if they really "loved you so much" they would not be breaking up, love is not like that.

And if a couple has problems and want to try to make it better they work on communication and perhaps counseling.

While a "break" sometimes helps each to decide they want the other, they don't rush back living together, they would start dating again, and not go back to the old relationship but build a new one.

Normally a break is a break up, you go to no contract and work on yourself, not them

[talaniman]

like I say its hard for anybody to get an insight into a relationship unless you've been in it yourself.

Having been dumped more than a few times, and even having to walk away from a few, breaking attachments and ties is hard for anyone going through it. That's why break ups suck, as few of us can see this as a learning experience, or the opportunity to do something better. Its just to traumatic to see anything but the hurt and misery you are feeling.

Your feelings have been stirred up by your meeting, and talking, and you are finally turning the corner from hope, to acceptance of the changes you are confronted with. That's a good thing, yet for now, still sucks. In time though, it gets better, and after a proper healing, slowly your wounds don't hurt as much.

The key is be willing to let go, and then through NO CONTACT, redirect your energy elsewhere. Building a life that you enjoy, after a proper mourning for the end of the relationship, with family, friends, and activities, will move you forward. The hardest part was getting used to sleeping alone, and waking up alone.

That was a huge adjustment to make, and I highly recommend a fairly strenuous physical activity, done regularly with a proper cool down time, at least 8 hours BEFORE bedtime, and other chores, or activities after. In this way you are tired, but not wired at bedtime. In the end of a week you sleep better, eat better, and feel better, which is important moving forward, and establishing a routine schedule for yourself.

The busier you are in all areas of your own life, the faster you heal, and feel better about YOURSELF. I have found that time flies when you are having fun, so plan plenty of it. That's how I have recovered, and renewed myself, through some really heartbreaking times, and thrived to survive.

Still break ups suck, at first, until you make the right adjustments to cope with your loss. Break ups are a temporary event, and obstacle to be dealt with, and hardly the end of the world, merely the beginning of something better. An attitude adjustment.