[kez83]

We've been together for just over a year now, we have 3 beautiful children, each, to our own past relationships and everything is fine an dandy in that area. Only my baby has my ex's name that my partner can't stand. I've had to cut all contact and ties, we've fought so much over/about my ex.

I secretly kept in contact for awhile, we were still good friends, and felt like my partner was trying to control me. She caught me out, and we fought then moved on. I still loved my ex, yes, although I wasn't in love with her. Big difference. We fight we break up we make up... It tiring, exhausting for all our children as well!

So recently my partner gets my baby's name tattooed on her arm! Fair to say we bought our baby up together since she was all of a few months old but I found that quite... well... I don't know, weird? She hates that name!

She only just told me she cheated on me last year, reason being, apparently I was still in love with my ex. Now, two days ago she beats me up because that "name" got mentioned at a party we were at... Lost much :L


Edited/T

[talaniman]

Not sure if I follow but you both live with 6 kids, under the same roof, and she hates the baby mama, and caught you cheating so she cheated, and now she is wacko whenever she hears the baby mamas name? Am I close?

Is this the female you have cheated on the baby mama with?

[kez83]

I neva cheated, I kept in contact with my ex - against my partners will. An yep, we live unda the same roof with 6 kids and yep sh pretty much flips when she hears her name.

My baby's namesake is my ex

In our early days she cheated on me... Assuming that I didn't care for her as much as she does me, say so.

[vanheart]

You got to sort things out before you get involved with another.

Priorities.

"I secretly kept in contact for awhile"
Why?

"I still loved my ex"

"So recently my partner gets my baby's name tattooed on her arm!"

You have some weird power play going on.

What is it you want?

[kez83]

I duno, ego? She had nuthing to worry about with my ex yet she made it such a big deal, and it has been the core of our arguments through out our whole relationship, I haven't spoken to her in so long yet I gues the pain still remains in my love.

I don't know what to do anymore I don't undastand where we are. To hear she cheated on me, then attacks me until my face is black and blue... Fuk I love her I wish she would get over it and stop draging it on an on an on

[vanheart]

Who do you love again?

Im confused.

Maybe cut the girls out of the equation.

Concentrate on loving yourself & the kids.

Try that for a while.

[kez83]

Good point...

[talaniman]

A lot of drama for just over a year, makes you wonder how well you both know each other, and how you deal with each other. I doubt she became this way with just you, but it seems you both carried a lot of baggage, hurt feelings, and messy pasts into this relationship, but cheating on assumptions or appearances is no excuse, and doesn't replace your inability to talk and resolve issues, instead of reacting to each other.Thats why I thought you were caught cheating, as nothing makes for a more mistrusting, insecure partner faster than cheating.

Sounds like you got into this very fast, maybe to fast to lay the ground work of learning each other well, or even having a solid enough plan that laid out the rules of good behavior, or boundaries you both can live with.

How old are you both, and how long had you known each other before moving in together?

[kez83]

Im 28 and she's 26... She fell for me fast and I admit I wasn't ready to jump in head first so held back lightly as much as I could in fear of getting hurt, walking blind folded in love. We knew each utha well enough but wea we are today it seems as if we've bort the worst out of each utha. I had a reputation of cheating in the past but have neva played her with all honesty. She had come out of an abusive relationship-being her the abuser. My decisions of keeping in contact with my ex has caused so much damage. Wen I stopped it was still a constant battle of insecurities. My bad..

[talaniman]

She was abusing her partner? Cheating?

[kez83]

Yep...

[Homegirl 50]

She is abusive. Why are you still there and exposing your children to this?
This is an ugly dysfunctional relationship and you and your children need to get out of it.

[talaniman]

She is not ready, willing, or able, to be a happy, healthy partner for you, and may never be, and since you cannot change her nature, or character, you better get the hell away from her, and out of her dysfunctional life. Sorry guy, maybe we cannot help our feelings, or who we love, but we can damn sure protect ourselves, and our hearts from those that don't know what to do with it, nor deserve it.

We can run like hell for a safer place. Sorry. Even if she said she will change, I darn sure would not believe it.

[mmresd]

Insecurity is something that she needs to work on herself, maybe some professional counceling will help her?

[kez83]

Thank you all for your help... She txtd me today saying she doesn't feel me anymore. Then 10 minutes later I get a half cut text saying "wiiiild i get excited with every thought of you x" I don't think that message was for me even though she's denying it, and sez her cell is playing up... Am I a fool or what! If that doesn't spell CHEATING then I don't know what does... :( what a disaster!!

[Homegirl 50]

You can end this disaster by leaving. You are the one in control

[kez83]

Am finding it hard to come to grips with... I underestimated her, she betrayd me, it's a huuuge shock to the system. Can't believe she would do that? Why cheat an deny it, why not just leave me? She's been avoiding me all week, ever since she attacked me. Got real defensive when I confronted her lastnyt about seeing someone else. I love her with all that I am! Walking away is just something I thought we'd never have to come to. Wow...

[vanheart]

You are starting to come to the realization that she isn't right.

Aside from what you may have wanted to happen.

That's why you are feeling this way. Getting out of denial.

Breakups suck, But you have seen the writing on the wall. And, honestly have known it, knew her track record.

Now it's the perfect time, and honestly the perfect person to go NC with.

I would run for hills.

"Shes been avoiding me all week, ever since she attacked me"

Dude, she is the cause of your misery.

Remove that & reboot.