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hellopeople · Sep 25, 2011, 02:58 PM

I am 23 year old man and a virgin. I am very good looking. I am usually the best looking guy in the room and girls fall for me all the time. Not bragging, this is just my life. I have a strong libido, I masturbate a lot and am theoretically open to casual sex. However 99% of the girls I meet just don't get me going. Many of them are cute and smart and fun, but however much I try I just don't really want to **** them. They seem like great good-looking people, but I just don't feel the desire for a sexual connection. I just don't. I wish I did, but it never feels right. Hopefully you know what I mean.
I am a very nice guy, happy and spiritual. Bottom line sex looks really fun and I want to have a great sex life. I've fallen in love a few times, but circumstances didn't work out. The last girl I fell in love with two years ago was married with two kids. I didn't go to college, don't like to party. I've been waiting for "the right" girl, starting to doubt that paradigm. And by the way, trust me, I'm not gay. I went through a period of doubting that, came out with a stronger heterosexual identity. I am masculine, athletic, smart, strong, caring. I really like myself. Anybody have any thoughts?

Cat1864 · Sep 25, 2011, 03:27 PM

I don't think you are as open to casual sex as you might be trying to convince yourself. I think you are looking for a life partner instead of a brief fling and I think that is a good thing.

I only wonder if you are comparing women you meet today to the women you have been in love with in the past. It may not even be a conscious comparison.

Where do you generally meet women you want to date?

hellopeople · Sep 25, 2011, 03:55 PM

Thanks for your thoughtful answer I really appreciate it. You may be right that I am looking for a monogamous life partner. However being a progressive, new-age thinker, this seems a little... conservative or old-world? Maybe I need to get over that and just be old-fashioned. If that is how it works out for me, I would be very satisfied. I guess the protocol in that case is to simply wait?

I feel that I am not comparing women I meet to women I have loved in the past. There is no comparison. I felt a very strong, overpowering feeling of deep affection that cannot be mistaken. This feeling got stronger over weeks/months, but definitely there was also an instant affection and interest.

I meet women at parties, hanging out with friends of friends, coed sports teams, speed dating and online dating. For instance this weekend I met women at a friends birthday party and at a coed kickball game.

Cat1864 · Sep 25, 2011, 04:38 PM

Nothing wrong with being 'old fashioned' or 'traditional' as some might call it.

I think being a 'new age thinker' means you keep an open mind about your choices and other people's. What is right for X may not be right for you. Just because other people may be quite okay with having multiple partners, it doesn't mean it would be good for you.

I happen to think it is better to wait and be certain of what you want. Between disease and possible pregnancy, being celibate sounds like a wise choice.

I am glad you aren't comparing women. Instead of setting unreasonable standards, it means you haven't found the one who is right for you. I'll be honest that it sounds like you are doing well.

Have fun meeting people and getting to know them. Each time you date someone, you find out more about what you want and don't want in a relationship. Probably when you least expect it, you will meet the woman of your dreams who will want to build a life with you. When that happens, I think you will find that everything will be all right.

Good luck.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 25, 2011, 05:09 PM

And you seem not to have said what you really want or look for, we all have personal desires, I much prefer very dark skin ladies and other physical things that I prefer. Have you considered those women who turn you on, what do they perhaps have in common.

hellopeople · Sep 25, 2011, 05:19 PM

I have not noticed any commonalities in my attraction... I will think about that thanks chuck.

hellopeople · Sep 25, 2011, 05:30 PM

Also thanks to cat for the thoughtful encouraging answer. You may be more conservative than I am used to but it's a good influence for me because I live in a sphere where casual sex is encouraged by pretty much everyone. I guess I just don't fit that mold. Thanks very much.

Ryan101 · Sep 30, 2011, 04:04 AM

I wonder if it is that you masterbate so much times, you don't feel the need to have sex, but you want to but you end up masterbating anyway!!
Ps that's what I think!!

DaniCalifornia · Oct 2, 2011, 06:43 AM

Hey!

I see you already feel rather satisfied with the answers received, but I'd just like to add a bit on.

You sound like the male version of me.

I'd like to think I'm open-minded, and I am, but with the right person. See I'm lucky enough to have met someone at my age, who fills the bill of what I'd consider a perfect mate for me.

During sex, I NEED to have that spiritual connection, or I just don't enjoy it. I can't get in the mood unless I feel properly loved.

And to be honest, I really admire your chastity. I always said I would save myself for marriage, but didn't. Wish I did, but hey, I'd have probably given it to my current bloke anyway, haha. Just don't feel rushed to just give it to anyone. A mans purity is just as important as a woman's.

And when you meet someone that's right for you, I guarantee these feelings will go away.

X Dani