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VintageHeart93 · Sep 17, 2011, 10:40 AM

Me and my boyfriend are about 5 hours away from each other. I have no car, and no money so it's sort of difficult for me to go home unless it's fall break, Christmas break, etc. I would ride with one of my friends, but she's taking a plane home from now on. I've been here about a month and a half and I've already gotten into drama, and some girls don't like me. I've made some friends, I hang out with them too. But, I always feel sad. I miss him a lot and I miss my sisters and stuff. I like my classes and the environments okay, but no matter what I'm just sad. I talked to my dad about how I want to transfer schools and he thinks it's just because my bf's not there. I'm honestly thinking about transferring to his school or somewhere up north in the city. My plan, originally, was to transfer out after finishing my CORE classes. But, I'm thinking about doing it earlier.

My boyfriend thinks I'll be happier in his school. I want to but honestly, my conscience is telling me that's a bad reason to transfer. I feel that I need to choose based of what's best for me academically... My boyfriend sees nothing wrong with me transferring because of him, that if it's going to make me happy. When picking colleges, my dad chose the school I'm at now. I haven't gotten a chance to visit my other college choices. I don't know what to do...

Fr_Chuck · Sep 17, 2011, 10:54 AM

Why does your boyfriend not move to your school if the transfer is such a good idea

VintageHeart93 · Sep 17, 2011, 10:56 AM

He told me that he doesn't want to because he loves his school.

Cat1864 · Sep 17, 2011, 11:50 AM

I think the decision should be made on what is best for you.

Consider all the factors such as:

Basically, do you like your current school? Does it meet your needs? Will credits earned there transfer to the school(s) you would prefer to attend?

Why did your father chose this school? Would it be cheaper for you to live closer to home?

What other schools are you interested in? Did your father have your goals in mind when choosing this school or is he trying to guide you down other paths?

I looked back over your past threads and I think you need to put your needs ahead of your boyfriend's desires. I mean he broke up with you because he didn't want a relationship going into college, but then changed his mind. I would be a bit concerned he might change his mind again or say he is in an attempt to manipulate your decision. I would be planning to be secure in my future no matter who is in it.

Do you know the song "High School Never Ends" by Bowling for Soup? The same problems in high school of cliques and people not liking you for whatever reason (usually because they don't know you) still happen. Don't allow a few people and some drama to be the deciding factor in whether you like your school or not. There are going to be people trying to cause problems in your life no matter where you go to school. Hold on to the positives like new friends and experiences. Get the most out of your classes and enjoy life even with the ups and downs. Even the worst days can have good points if you look for them.

BK201 · Sep 17, 2011, 12:06 PM

Go with your conscience as you said, it won't let you down.. and you won't regret it later either.
Also, suggest you not to think, 'how would it have been, if I were there' thoughts.. in case if you have such things in mind. They are also a source for your bad mood and they prevent you from exploring what's in front of you.
Cheers

talaniman · Sep 17, 2011, 12:36 PM

I don't think transferring to your boyfriends college is a good idea at all. For one, you are dependent on him in a strange environment, and have no resources of your own. Second and probably the biggest reason would be tying you happiness with how well he will treat you, and given your history, you have already put too much dependence on him for your own happiness. Be great for him to have his g/f around at a place he is happy with, because he has full control and loses nothing if things become difficult, so all the work, sacrifice, and work is on YOU while you get an education to. No, I am against following your boyfriend into the unknown at this time. He ain't coming to you, so don't you go to him.

I think the time to decide about where you wanted to continue your education was long before now, and I think that for now you stay with this college and do well, and leave the personal stuff alone until you know the social ropes. The main reason to give this a good chance where you are is you like the curriculum, and classes, and that's a major plus in the long run, rather than start over somewhere else.

I think the wiser course of action, is to look around at other colleges, and visit them when there is time, and gather information by which you can make an informed decision for yourself later. Doing your best now, where you are may make some changes better later. Like having a job, but wanting a better one. You don't quit the old job until you land a new one that pays better.

So stick to it while you look at other options, and opportunities for your education. Just because you have had a rough start doesn't mean it won't get smoother down the road. We all are a bit sad I think, when we take our first steps of independence in a new world, but we adjust in time, and learn why we are exploring in the first place, to learn to be independent, and self reliant, and self sufficient. That's when the sadness leaves and we are happy to do for ourselves, and set our own goals, and priorities, as we build a life that we can enjoy to the fullest.

Give it some thought, and Good Luck, whatever you choose.

VintageHeart93 · Sep 17, 2011, 01:01 PM

The original colleges of my choice, I wasn't accepted to. The few colleges I was accepted to I didn't go to because my father preferred I go to this one because he felt I wouldn't get the college experience being an hour away from home. He told me to give it a year for him. I originally was going to stay here and stay a year or two (depending on if I like the school) and then transfer to my dream school (NYU) and if I don't get in then I go the my 2nd chice and go there for my graduates.

I understand... thank you..

talaniman · Sep 17, 2011, 01:20 PM

That sounds like a good rational plan. Work hard, and it will work.

Wondergirl · Sep 17, 2011, 01:44 PM

Remember too, nowadays, it's easy to stay in touch with cellphones, Skype, IMing, email, etc. Back in my day when rocks were cooling, we had only snail mail. Even long distance calls were too expensive to make.

I agree with Tal that you should follow your own dreams and not live the life your boyfriend wants. Do well at this school, transfer to NYU if that works out, and find success on your own terms. (You'll thank us later, trust me.)