[Teaching]

How can one know the authencity of a person? What qualities would you look for to know if a person is sincere and honest.

[christo4robn]

Their consistencies. Takes time to gauge.

[Teaching]

Makes sense - do you think you can know someone's sincerity from email communication if you talk to them more than you see them?

[confused_guy]

Not e-mail, no. People have way too long to come up with replies and stuff. Phone? You're getting warmer. But in person is the best way to go. I've been lied to a lot less in person by women.

[Teaching]

I have a friend and I can feel something not authentic in person about her, yet on email she is very sincere. I can feel something in her eye contact and the way she seems to want to run... I agree in person is the way to go!

[confused_guy]

She could take an hour and a half to write a one paragraph e-mail. You just don't know. If you get the vibe that she is insincere in person your gut is probably right. Maybe you should try running too. :) Or, at the very least, approaching her in a very cautious manner.

[Synnen]

I think that TIME is the only way to find out if someone is sincere or authentic.

I have a friend that I've met face-to-face exactly 6 times. I'd still call this person the best friend I have.

You can certainly have authentic/sincere friends online. But... it's the same as any other friendship. It takes time and actions to prove that they mean what they say.

[Teaching]

I agree I think I will ask her to meet as that will help determine my instincts. However I realize I have to watch over time... thanks guys

[confused_guy]

Take it from a guy who knows: it's easy to mince words and get hung up on e-mails, text messages, etc. A person is who they are, and if you keep your eyes open they will reveal themselves in due time.

And yes, your instincts are right the vast majority of the time... unless your emotions are heavily involved! Be careful not to judge what could be shyness as insincerity.

I am the king of reading women's facial expressions and statements wrong when I have feelings for them. You could be the most intuitive person on the planet when it comes to 99.9% of the population but be totally wrong about your partner's intentions.

Give her a little time, be the best person you can be (even if she starts to disappoint you), and eventually the truth will come out. The more casual and calm you are, the more she will trust you. If you get to a point where you can't handle some of her truths or lies you will know it is time to move on.

[Teaching]

Give her a little time, be the best person you can be (even if she starts to disappoint you), and eventually the truth will come out. The more casual and calm you are, the more she will trust you. If you get to a point where you can't handle some of her truths or lies you will know it is time to move on.

I completely agree with you on this quote. If you always remain "who you are and be the best", the truth always reveals itself. Awesome advice.

[confused_guy]

Funny how good I can give advice when I can't even seem to get my own relationship straight. Damn emotions! :)

I guess the thing is, it can be very difficult to bottle things up when you are with someone you are emotionally tied to. Early on in a relationship it's easy to be casual about things. "What's that, you used to be a porn star? Cool!" Something like that (well, something probably a helluva lot less "sinister", really) comes out later on and a good chunk of people sometimes fly completely off the handle (myself included).

[shygrneyzs]

I was listening to Bishop T.D. Jakes the other night and he had a speaker, Dr. Paris Fenner-Wiliams on. She was speaking about relationships. Her key point was to get to know the person for at least a year - to know the person in all seasons, to see if their personality changes. Her book is called "Single Wisdom". It is geared to dating but much of what she said made sense when it comes to having a good, solid friendship.

The person has to be consistent in manner, behavior, and personality. If you meet up with a liar, that person will trip themselves up over time. If you have met someone who is unstable, that will become evident also. It is easy to mask one's self but not so easy to carry it off long term. The cracks will show, the truth will become evident.

The person needs to be trustworthy and honest - not just with you but with anyone she or he deals with. Work, family, friends, etc.

So it does take time to see all that. Cannot be done in a month.

Hope this helped you.

[Teaching]

I think when we are in a "emotional relationship" we are not able to see ourselves or the situation clearly, I think that is why it is easier to advice others. I have a feeling sometimes when we advice others we become stronger in ourselves. That is the beauty of this website - we are all learning and growing together.

[talaniman]

Take your time and go slow to get to know someone, face to face is best.