[EminJofit]

So, for the past few years or so I've felt nothing but horrible emotional pain and stress. I keep falling in love with these women who stick me right in the "Friend Zone," and so I can never get anywhere. I don't have bad intentions; I just want someone to care for me the way I care for her. Anyway, that keeps happening and it's destroying me. I have a panic disorder, and I have pretty regular and powerful anxiety attacks. Today, I had an attack where I completely lost control of my body. I have this condition where anyone touching me hurts my skin and I can still feel that touch long after they're gone. I can still feel the hug one of my ex-best-friends gave to me 5 years ago. It's seared into my flesh like some kind of sick memory foam. Today, all those phantom sensations became too much and I went into convulsions. Pulling it all back, I have been going to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist for a couple months now, and my doctor told me at one of my appointments, "If you walk out of here feeling nothing, like and empty shell, then that means I've failed." But I'm starting to think that's what I really want; just to not feel anything. I'm so tired of caring so much for my friends just to have it never returned. I just don't want to feel anything at all. Is there anyway I can do that? Because that's what I want now. My chest still hurts and I'm so ready to just freak the hell out. Someone help me, please.

[joypulv]

Look into Asperger's as a condition (and I'm the last person to categorize any emotional distress!) just because the acute feeling you get from touch sounds like part of the range of symptoms in autism and Asperger's. Ask both doctors what they think. Not that there's a magic bullet, but it might help not only arrange your life differently but also get online with others who are the same. There's a famous woman PhD and author who is autistic, Dr. Temple Grandin, who writes books, has a Q and A site, and who designs ways to help the cattle industry calm the animals. She is sensitive to sensory input. For some it starts very early in life, and distraugt parents can't even pick up their toddlers who scream and won't be touched.

In other words, you are not alone. And it doesn't have to mean that you are sick, or that you have to tune out feelings.