[vanheart]

Keep that mindset going.

Now you know, the more contact, the more drama.

[ronaldd09]

Update
Hey my ex came over to my house to pick up a package I hadn't seen her in over a month. When she saw me she kept saying how much I changed and how good I looked and kept touching me and kissing me but I didn't let it get to me. At the beginning of the break she wanted us to go out and date other people and then one day when we have had a little experience we could get back together. At first I was really against this and she knew it but yesterday I told her that I agreed with her decision, I then gave her a speech on how we both needed to test the waters and have some time and space apart. She was really surprised and said that she was hurt by my decision because I was always against her but she is going to respect it to the fullest. Even though I would really  love to be with her but not at the moment I think we both (mostly her) have some maturing to do. Now I kind of feel guilty did I make a mistake ?

[Cat1864]

I think you handled it well. Congratulations.

You are healing and dealing with your emotions. Don't let her mess that up by making you feel responsible for her. She has to do her own healing which includes working through any surprises life throws at her.

Continue taking care of yourself and good luck.

[ronaldd09]

Even though I said I wanted to test the waters also, I don't think I will because my feelings for her are still very strong and I think they will be for a while and I want to lose weight, get a job, car, and get my life in order. Also I don't want to break any women's heart. Am I making the right decision ?

[talaniman]

Yes, you are!

[Cat1864]

I think you are making an excellent decision. :)

[ronaldd09]

Hey everybody, My Ex might be a little stupid or blind. She is trying to date some guy (rebound) at her job that she met. They both like each other, but from what I read is that he hasn't committed to her (they aren't in a relationship yet) and doesn't have a Girlfriend either.I also read that he ignores her all the time and is constantly doing it to her. So she sent him a vicious and angry text message saying why did he ignore her at work and all her text messages. Could this be a good or bad sign for me ? Thank your for your responses

[vanheart]

Bad because you are still worried about your ex and her drama.

Why are you playing detective?

[talaniman]

Very Bad, because you want this female so bad, you are willing to be a second chose, her option for being her emotional tampon, until she finds better, and that my friend is the best example of FALSE hope, and skewed thinking based on your DESPERATION, that without a doubt is the most quick way to MORE misery and pain that you can handle.

That you even are still looking into her business is a EXTREMELY bad sign, which I sincerely hope you can correct for yourself.

[ronaldd09]

You know what I think you are right guys I think I'm going to try to let it go as best as I can. Every time we speak or text she is saying I Love you and sending me pics of us when we were together. I think that is what has made this break up so hard for me that I'm even acting desperate.I guess I'm going to have to live with the quote "If you love someone, Set them free... If they come back, thier yours, If they don't, they never were yours".

[amicon]

Live with this quote: Every day,in every way, I'm getting better and better.

Build yourself a life that makes you happy.

Learn to love yourself.

Take care.

[vanheart]

I think you are starting to see that the more you are in touch with her, the more it hurts.

Once you remove her (I know its hard) things will get better.

"I think that is what has made this break up so hard for me that I'm even acting desperate"

Never be desperate when it comes to girls. Especially exs.

I like that quote too. What makes it really significant is the set them free part, not the if they come back.

Never wait for an ex to come back. That's just silly.

[ronaldd09]

Me and my ex talked about a week ago just catching up on things.Every time she see's me she is always complimenting me on how good I look .I don't know how it came about but she started saying how she really didn't like the old me but is really liking the new person that I've become and that she is seeing some good changes, I told her what has changed and that I'm changing for myself, I didn't ask her out or get excited or anything I kept it very cool.  she also keeps mentioning to me about how she has been so bored since us breaking up and hasn't really been enjoying herself and that she "misses" me (which doesn't make me feel any kind of way) . A mutal friend of our said that she wants me to go to her birthday party which is coming up soon but she doesn't want to ask me or  isn't sure if she should invite me. She doesn't know that I know this. What is going on here ?

[Cat1864]

She said it herself: She is bored. She is looking for someone to play with and she thinks you are available to be her toy. It seems she hasn't found another one, yet.

Don't allow her to confuse you. Don't allow friends to confuse you. Know that moving on is in your best interests and keep up the hard work. You have come a long way and it shows. Why go backward?

Take care of yourself and good luck.

[talaniman]

Confusion at her words is a clear indication you were not ready for a conversation with her. That's what always comes from talking to one that's dumped you. Sure she is bored, and needs attention, and tweaking your interests may bring her some, hence the rather lavish compliments which you were supposed to return.

That doesn't mean she wants you back, it means she wants attention.

Ignore her, and stay away from her, and examine your own reactions, and how you are thinking of her yet again, before you were ready. The whole conversation was geared to piqué your curiosity, and draw you back into her sphere of influence.

Don't fall for it, just resist the urge to have further contact.

[ronaldd09]

What about the party thing ? Why would she even be thinking about inviting me when there are going to be plenty of other people their ? Just being curious why would she come straight out and tell me that she hasn't been enjoying herself after the break up because I know I've been enjoying Myself and having fun . Also is it weird that I Actually kind of like the idea that she isn't having fun even though I really shouldn't care ?

[Cat1864]

Not weird. Very human.

Why would she tell you what she did? Sounds like she was trying to put you on a guilt trip. Like I told another friend a few days ago, guilt trips have lousy scenery and no customer service. I'd decline the ticket and keep having fun.

She didn't tell you about the party. The friend did. The friend may not have the facts straight (or is misrepresenting them) or may have been trying to help the two of you correct what she/he may be seeing as a mistake. May have been an attempt to get you confused and not looking quite so happy. Doesn't matter. I'd be planning to have a good time far away from where ever her party is and not give it a second thought.

[talaniman]

See how easy that ploy worked?

What about the party thing ? Why would she even be thinking about inviting me when there are going to be plenty of other people their

It is a feeler, that she planted in the mind of one of YOUR friends because she knew she could indirectly, through a third party, get you to thinking. And it worked, you are curious, and confused.

just being curious why would she come straight out and tell me that she hasn't been enjoying herself after the break up because I know I've been enjoying Myself and having fun .

For whatever reason, that's what she wants you to think, to get pity, sympathy, and attention, or

Also is it weird that I Actually kind of like the idea that she isn't having fun even though I really shouldn't care ?

That's what she wants you to feel, like you are having a better time of all this. What better way to hide the truth of the matter than distracting you and being curious about gobble-De- goop, that means nothing at all.

Got any more questions concerning her young brain? Females are sharp, and subtle in their ways, and are easy practice for the inexperienced. Keep down this path, and anything that happens is YOUR fault, not hers, and she is free from guilt, because she dumped you.

How else can a physically inferior, conquer a physically superior, except through their slow thinking inexperienced brains?

[Cat1864]

Ronald, I agree with Tal. However, I wouldn't say it is a female thing because I have seen males play the same games. It seems to be more the 'I dumped you so you shouldn't be having fun without me' mentality. How wrong is that concept?

That way of thinking always makes me want to do something I enjoy just because it feels good to be free to do so.

[talaniman]

Cats quite correct, as there are many males who prey on the fear and insecurities of the inexperienced female.

Lots of people who think they can get over on someone else to satisfy themselves. Avoid them all. Then you can enjoy doing your own thing.