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funkybird · Aug 30, 2011, 03:12 PM

Okay, so here's the thing. Ive been with this guy on and off for about a year and 3 months now - we were hooking up - then friends - then dated - then he moved and we were friends and now we've been back together as "BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND" for a little over 4 months now. He lives a while away but we still see each other pretty often, usually once or twice during the week. And all weekend I'm at his place or he's at mine, he works a lot - 6 days a week long hours at a really hard factory job he hates. And his sex drive has always been low - I don't have much to compare it too I guess - sense I was with one guy before him for 2 years. But it seems unusually low for a 20 year old guy. He doesn't like getting head - and sure would never give it - which is fine, but he just doesn't seem that into sex and when we do fool around he usually just likes outer course... And I don't get as much from that you know? Ive tried to talk to him about it but I feel like that just made him feel bad and put too much pressure on him... Now he has trouble staying hard. When we do have sex its great but its probably once a month now that we actually Have INTERCOURSE I don't know what to do. I feel like its killing our relationship. I know part of it is because he's depressed and tired from his job and worried about money, and I feel bad even caring, but sex is important to a relationship. And I don't know what to do. It seems like he has intimacy issues and I knew that going into the relationship, I share a mutual friend with the girl he dated long term before me. I don't know what to do anymore sorry this was long, please any advice would help. I want to give him his space if that's what he needs because he definitely is clinicly depressed and tired from work, but its making me feel unatractive, and hurting me a lot.

afaroo · Aug 30, 2011, 11:55 PM

So he he is 20 years old, and how old are you?

John

funkybird · Sep 1, 2011, 10:53 AM

I'm 19

talaniman · Sep 1, 2011, 12:00 PM

If he is clinically depressed, then maybe he is on drugs that kill his libido. That's something for a doctor to deal with. Is he seeing one?

Its so easy to be distracted by your own feelings, and not see what the problem is. Happens to most couples, and is surely a symptom of problems in other areas of this relationship, like a failure to honestly communicate, and that's reasonable after just 4 months together.

You can't resolve issues between you, that benefits you both, without honest communications. The sex drive starts in the mind, not the genitals. The genitals are just the easiest to touch, so meet the mind of your partner, and learn how to make love to each others minds. The bodies will follow.