[shall414]

Moved from an old post to its own thread, and edited/T



I am so confused. He tells me he loves me and shows it but we hardly ever make love. He comes up with all these excuses why and it leaves me feeling empty. I am an attractive woman but with all these excuses he gives me it leads me to believe he isn't attracted to me. How can you be in love with someone but not make love to them?

[talaniman]

Maybe the lust is wearing off and he wants to make love to your mind, more than your body. Are you helping him in that regard? Or are you ignoring the mental bond that's as important as the physical? How old are you, and how long have you been together? What's going on in both your lives that makes the physical more important than the other aspects of this relationship?

When you focus on just one (the physical), you may be missing something in the other areas, or any stresses that need to be dealt with in those areas.

Could this be a symptom of another issue you two have??

[agh1990]

While for you it may seem that making love to you is his way of showing he loves you, a lot for the time it isn't. We're made to believe that all men want and think about is sex, so then when a man suddenly doesn't want it with us, we immediately think "well he can't be attracted to me then". Not true.

A number of things can affect a mans sex drive; increased pressure at work, lack of sleep, bad diet, change of any sort really. When my partner and I first moved in together, we went from having sex three times a week to once or twice a month, and I had the same thoughts as you, that he didn't love me or find me attractive anymore. When actually, when I spoke to him, I realised that while he loved living with me, it was a really big change for him that he was having some trouble adjusting to (he'd only ever lived with his parents before me), and because of the move he was further away from work so he was in a new sleep pattern etc. And in fact, once I'd taken sex off the agenda and just focused on spending good quality time with him, I realised that actually, he was acting as if he loved me more than ever, and we get along so much better since moving in together.

A relationship isn't just about sex, it's about friendship and company too, and sex is just another brilliant thing you can share with you're partner. Just because it's not as often as you'd like or expect, doesn't mean that it's an indicator of how he feels towards you.

The best thing I can suggest is speak to him about it. Voice your concerns, and if he just says that it's nothing to do with you and he does love you, I'd take that as truth and just be happy being with him. After all, if he found you so unattractive that he hated having sex with you and wanted to do it as little as possible, do you really think he'd still be with you?

[max2000]

Doesn't mean he didn't love you, love is not about makes love ,is about how he cares about you and happiness ,understand each other,can not judge him by this

[Kristina Grace]

Well I'm with shall here... it's kind of insulting when your guy isn't putting in the effort... so what if it makes the woman unhappy? I love my hubby and I'd rather spend my time with him than anyone else... but is a sexless/infrequent sex-based marriage possible when we're only in our thirties? Gah!