[longdog]

Two weeks ago I told my wife of eight years that I haven’t been happy in our marriage for years and that I no longer loved her. I was truly one of the hardest things I have ever done. But let me start from the beginning.

When my wife and I started dating things were OK but I really wasn’t happy and I didn’t feel like I loved her. During this time she gave her virginity to me. She was a true thirty year old virgin. After this I just could not leave. She gave me something that was so special to her I just didn’t have the heart to leave. Two years later she said “we should get married or we would have to end our relationship”. At that time I was 28 and really didn’t know were I wonted to be, so we got married. After we got married she stopped working and staid home most of the day in till I cam home then she was ready to go out. She had worked part time jobs off and on but nothing for very long. She became very controlling when ever I wonted to go out with friends she would get mad and tell me that I should won’t to be with her. So I stopped seeing my friends. When ever I would try going out it was the same thing I should be with her.

About tow years ago we talked about having a baby. I wasn’t shore if I wonted to but somewhere in side I thought it might make things better. (Dumb me) Of curse it didn’t it just made thing worse. We fought over how I put the diaper on how I was feeding him and so on. After the first year it slowed down but I still felt no better I love my son but feel nothing for my wife.

I never wonted to hurt her and I haven’t truly said any of this to her. Right now she just thinks that I’m having depression problems and I will come around again. What am I to do? I have no problem paying child support but we’re going to have to sell the house if I leave and she’ll have to move in with her mother her only friend she has.

[shygrneyzs]

This is really sad. I would say to you, the same I would say to a woman in this situation - get your ducks in a row, explore your options, go to an attorney for legal advice, get some counseling for your own state of mind ( someone to talk to, work through your feelings, etc.), make sure you are physically healthy (maybe you are experiencing some depression and could benefit from an anti depressant).

Just because you are the Father of your son, do not assume that your wife gets automatic custody. You need to know your rights, that is why an attorney is a very, very good person to contact. So what if you have to sell your house and split the proceeds? Many couples have done that and survived. So what is she has to go live with her Mother? Worse things have happened. Maybe she will get off her duff and find a full time job so she can support herself. Don't borrow any more trouble than you have to. You can concentrate on what is before you, find out what you legally can do and what your responsibilities are, and go from there.

Some counseling could really benefit you - you need to find out why you felt so obligated to stay with this woman when you did not truly love her. Perhaps this is some pattern of behavior. You would not want to repeat that.

Good luck to you.

[phillysteakandcheese]

You've been digging yourself into this hole for 8 years. The fact is that you were dishonest - not "man enough" to tell her that you didn't love her. You never shared a "true love" with her, and even if you worked on the marriage, I doubt you ever will.

As difficult as it is, you need keep talking to her - and give her all the background you've spilled here. Then - and only then - will she truly understand how deciteful you were and fully realize that the marriage is over, and you can proceed with a divorce.

While I am sure she had her flaws, you've perpetrated a very hurtful lie for a very long time. You should be ashamed for your behaviour.

[jrax2]

Two weeks ago I told my wife of eight years that I haven’t been happy in our marriage for years and that I no longer loved her. I was truly one of the hardest things I have ever done. But let me start from the beginning.

When my wife and I started dating things were ok but I really wasn’t happy and I didn’t feel like I loved her. During this time she gave her virginity to me. She was a true thirty year old virgin. After this I just could not leave. She gave me something that was so special to her I just didn’t have the heart to leave. Two years later she said “we should get married or we would have to end our relationship”. At that time I was 28 and really didn’t know were I wonted to be, so we got married. After we got married she stopped working and staid home most of the day in till I cam home then she was ready to go out. She had worked part time jobs off and on but nothing for very long. She became very controlling when ever I wonted to go out with friends she would get mad and tell me that I should won’t to be with her. So I stopped seeing my friends. When ever I would try going out it was the same thing I should be with her.

About tow years ago we talked about having a baby. I wasn’t shore if I wonted to but somewhere in side I thought it might make things better. (Dumb me) Of curse it didn’t it just made thing worse. We fought over how I put the diaper on how I was feeding him and so on. After the first year it slowed down but I still felt no better I love my son but feel nothing for my wife.

I never wonted to hurt her and I haven’t truly said any of this to her. Right now she just thinks that I’m having depression problems and I will come around again. What am I to do? I have no problem paying child support but we’re going to have to sell the house if I leave and she’ll have to move in with her mother her only friend she has.

WOW, that is really BIG of you to come here to express how you feel about your wife instead of going directly to the source and discussing your problem with her. You begin your relationship with your wife with a BIG FAT LIE, and you want to justify your actions by stating that you did not have the heart to hurt her when you took her virginity. Did you know that you did not have love for this woman before you took what was special to her? Of course you did! But you were being selfish then as you are being selfish now. Don't give some lame excuse as how much you love your son, (not doubting that you do) because if you did, you would do what is right by your wife. You should remember, you did not only put yourself into this situation with your selfishness and lies, you put your wife in a bad situation before she became your wife, and now you bring an innocent child in the midst of it all. What is he to think when he realizes that daddy is not home, or the fact that he and his mother had to go and live with his grandmother, because daddy was a selfish man (assuming she retain custody). You should think about your family as opposed to thinking about yourself right now. There are too many families apart because someone is always thinking about themselves as an individual and not thinking about his/her family. It is so, so sad that so many children are growing up in fatherless homes today because their fathers behave and think as children (children are smarter). Since you are fully aware of the consequences your wife and your son will probably have to make, you should do some soul searching and think of your own consequences. Make a sacrifice, do what a real man would do and talk with your wife, see about keeping your family together, see how you can make a better man of your son than you could ever be by staying with him and his mother. Don't take the easy way out and just decide that it will be easier for you to pay child support than it would be for you to stay with your family. Life is not all about you anymore, LONGDOG, it is about your son. Be a man, do what is right for him.