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copper44 · Aug 23, 2011, 07:55 PM

My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago. After the initial cooling off phase of about 2 weeks, he contacted me. The reason for the breakup is that he will be moving in a couple weeks to a city 9 hours away, and with both our busy schedules, and our lack of money, as I am in school, and he won't be making much it will be hard for us to see each other, not to mention its different countries. He will be home for the summer but that is it.

We have been long distance aside from summers for four years however it was only an hour away so we would see each other every couple weekends. I am in school and he is going there to pursue a professional hockey career in the AHL.

Once he contacted me after the cooling off period, he explained that he wanted to still see me if I wanted to before he left, as he won't see me for a year and will miss me a lot. We have hung out twice since then, and it has been good, but a little strange as he still acts like we are together always hugging me, and staring at me etc.

I don't know what the best thing to do is, I love spending time with him but the other part of me is cautious because I know once he leaves there is a good chance we will fall out of contact eventually. (happened once before for 6 months, but got back together when he got home)

If anyone has any insight or advice on what I should do I would really appreciate it!

Also, he has said things pertaining to the future, such as saying he has a feeling he will see me before he gets home , insinuating I will make a visit down. And saying he will want to see me when he does get home etc. Maybe a guys perspective on this would be of more help

amicon · Aug 23, 2011, 10:25 PM

Let this go,he wants his cake and eat it.
Being at someone's beck and call is not dignified.
No contact,heal and move on.

talaniman · Aug 24, 2011, 09:16 AM

You seem to have a good handle on the situation, and I think he wants to keep the door open between you just in case an opportunity presents itself later. That's pretty understandable since you both would still be together if not for the coming move, right?

Hey this will be over soon, so take it as a long good bye, before getting on with your own plans. After he leaves, make it a clean break for a while, and be busy with your own life, and too busy for regular contact and sweet talk.

We never know what the future holds, but we do have to take care of TODAY, before we can deal with TOMORROW. For today, you start making adjustments to thrive, and survive, without him.

And you do have a great plan to help that happen. Good Luck.

mmresd · Aug 24, 2011, 10:35 AM

Why would you want to stay as the going back home booty call? If he is leaving and wants to break up because he wants freedom to do whatever he wants without his concience eating at him while you are waiting for him to return, then tell him to be off and start looking for someone who at least is going to make the effort of being with you. Yes, a long distance relationship (LDR) is hard, especially if it is sooo far away, but if he is not even willing or is tired of trying then why should you wait for someone like that? Cut conversation with him now so that he knows that you won't be a pushover. From a guy's point of view, if you keep waiting it would be ideal to be able to do whatever I want to and then b with yo9u for a little bit when I go back home for a few weeks, and then leave you again. Don't become his toy and be done with him.

Good Luck,
Javi

copper44 · Aug 24, 2011, 10:44 AM

Javi,

I understand what you're saying and agree, however what is going on now is not a booty call as we do not get physical more just hang out get ice cream things like that. And yes he will be away doing whatever but at the same time I will also be at university doing the same thing, not sitting around pining, so it is more equal than you've made it out to be I feel

vanheart · Aug 24, 2011, 08:20 PM

Doesn't sound like you guys got off on the right foot.

You actually have played this already. Waiting around for his next 6 moth visit. Screw that.

Long distance is hard. Whatever age.

I don't recommend it.

Fun, when you are together, but if you are expecting a future, then no. Fling after fling after fling, then zip.

Hes doing his thing. Hoping that you are going to stick around when he comes back to town.

Don't be that girl that bugs a guy. He wants to be free.

So you be free too. Take his lead.