[buddhacat]

I've been seeing this guy for about 8 months now. Everything (from my perspective) has been going great, he makes me happy and I love being with him, and while I wish I could see him more (our jobs make it so we can only be together a few times a week), we maintain our closeness by communicating through e-mail when we're apart.
My concern: that my feelings for him are unreciprocated. I love him. I don't believe he feels the same. I think he's holding back and I'm unsure why. From what he's told me, he's never been burned in a relationship, he's confident around women and people in general, I don't pressure him for anything more than what we have (we've discussed it a bit and neither of us are interested in getting married as we've both done that before), and I really believe he knows how I feel about him. What reasons would he have for not feeling the same (if that is true)?
I understand that guys are more likely to show their true feelings through actions and behaviors than through words. Unfortunately, I am somewhat inexperienced in this department so I'm unsure what to look for. I also understand that everyone develops feelings for people at different rates, so maybe he's just not ready, and I'm OK with that.
The reason this is important to me is because I'm concerned that if he has no intention of ever actually loving me, then I'm not happy just being in a relationship based on physical intimacy. It feels one-sided and empty, like he's only with me for that reason and nothing more. Our relationship would never progress if this is the case.
If anyone has any ideas/thoughts/etc... especially you men as how guys think truly eludes me... it'd be greatly appreciated. :)

[BK201]

It is true, that most men show it in action rather than words. Some simple things that you can see how much he loves you:
1. Keep you updated on important things. He will show his weaker side only to you.
2. Getting your opinion/suggestion on his new ventures.
3. Giving you the first priority more that anyone / anything. This is something which is really really important. He might be talking about others to you, about his friends etc, whatever that has happened. But remember, he won't be telling everything to anybody else.
4. When he gets free time, the first person he would be contacting is you.
The list goes on and on, but these are common simple things. There might be more what your boyfriend is showing, may be you should look into those.
And nothing can replace a good peaceful conversation once in a while like every weekend. A special time dedicated only for the both of you.
Men needs to be understood, women needs to be loved.
Hope this helps.

[buddhacat]

I've been seeing this guy for awhile now (about 9 months or so) but I'm not really sure how he feels about me, and it hurts. I've tried bringing it up casually to him many times, and he avoids the question or answers with a "you already know" vague answer. He's really busy with two jobs, so we only see each other about once a week. However, we usually talk every day most of the day via e-mail or texting, and that's kept us close.
For the last couple weeks though, he's been different. Everything went great (I thought) on our last date, but since then, I've only heard from him a couple times a day during work, and have had no communication with him outside of work at all. I've tried to contact him both over the phone and via email, but hear nothing back. He seems perfectly fine when I talk to him during the day, and when I've asked him what's up, he says nothing, he's just been really busy with work at home and with his brother who's been down to visit.
My question is... am I reading into things and worrying over nothing, or is there possibly something going on? I'm concerned he's distancing himself from me and I don't know why. I can't see why anything would have changed between us, and I care for him so, so much.

Any advice you could give would be geatly appreciated, thanks!

[Cat1864]

Threads merged

Please keep questions about the same relationship/person in one thread. It will help be able to provide you with the best advice for you and your situation.

[slapshot_oi]

My question is...am I reading into things and worrying over nothing, or is there possibly something going on?

How are we supposed to know? You're the one in the relationship.

When you feel something's wrong, demand to know, don't just bring it up casually, be direct. And if he still is giving vague replies, then tell him you're gone, don't put up with unpredictable (and manipulative) behavior like that.

Personally, I don't think you're being unreasonable and aren't over-thinking this, but someone is bound to think that you are.

[talaniman]

Several things have stood out here between your previous, and the latest post. He has gotten busier it seems, and you see each other less, and he has a guest to entertain, his brother.

After only 9 months, what do you expect from him so early in this relationship, and it would seem you have not had the talk to define where this boat is headed. Maybe intimacy has you wanting more, but I see this as a casual dating, since you both are busy with conflicting schedules, and separate lives.

I think a casual conversation, calm, not needy, or demanding, person to person, can clear things up, but clearly you want more time than you are getting, and that's okay.

I would at least expect a plan to bond more, or maybe this is as good as it gets with this fellow. Is it enough for you at this time? I doubt it. Is it just a rut? Could be, but I doubt that too.

What changes would you want to make? Mention them.

Is this long distance or something? Seems like it is to me.

[Cat1864]

For your original question, people can't 'intend' to fall in love. They either do or they don't. Sometimes it takes awhile to realize that love is there. Sometimes, it never happens. If you don't know where you stand with him and he is only giving you off-hand comments, perhaps you are more into him than he is you. You have to decide how much time and effort you are willing to put into the relationship.

For todays question, you have the answer. He is busy. He may need some space to handle his own business. He may need some time to himself if he has been going between jobs, entertaining company and trying to keep up a relationship. Give him a chance to contact you.

Do you have any interests outside the relationship that keep you occupied so that you don't sit around waiting to hear from him?

[maddiep]

We always talk and he sometimes stares at me. I don't know if he likes me but all of my friends say he does. I just don't know and I'm afraid to ask him out. We have been friends since kg and he's sooooooooooooooo hot. I don't know but I hope this helps anyone in need.