[mrgibbs]

I've been dating my girlfriend for 3 years now, and we just recently moved into her moms house which has an upstairs apartment of our own. We've been living together for about 3 months now, and during these three months Ive been on probation, and due to the economy, I am not working. I use to work all the time and would be able to buy her what she wants at any expense, and take her anywhere.

During this experience of trying to live together, I believed I was doing everything (in my power) to make this work, and I felt it was becoming a wonderful relationship. Mind you my girl is 19, and I'll be 19 at the end of the month. She works 10-4, and I clean up/do dishes/laundry/community service for probation while she's away, and I'm always there when she gets home to "snuggle" like she likes.

Just recently she bought a new journal, and out of curiosity I wanted to see what her first entry would be. Saying to myself "I wonder if she wrote about the good times we'd had this summer, or something". Boy was I wrong...

Her 1st journal entry began by saying how she wished she did more this summer, and how she wished something with me would been fun. This confused me, because we always go to the clubs and we went to the beach for cookouts, like she wanted. She then began to state that she feels were "drifting apart". I paused, and almost cried. Then she said "not to mention the other issues I'm having with him - to be discussed at a later date..

I was baffled/confused/and very hurt. She is a very anti social person, and has to write things down like to do lists, and journal entries, and doesn't really talk to me much. I'm dealing with a lot not being able to smoke marijuana, or take anti depressants, so I'm completely sober, and I bottle up some feeling as well.

But I thought we were good. Her mom loves me, and I don't see any real issues. I kissed a girl once back about a year ago, and I told her, she was mad, but we decided to move past is. I don't know, this is all I can think about now, and it is killing me to know she's smiling in my face, saying I love you, and **** but on the other hand has these feeling she can't seem to bear talking about, well at least not at the moment.

Please get back to me as soon as you can ;/


Edited/T

[Cat1864]

For one thing, unless she handed you the journal and said 'here read this', you were snooping and invading her privacy. That is not a good thing to do. If you say she left it out in plain sight, then you need to remember there are boundaries that should not need specifying. If she has allowed you to read her previous journals that was with her expressed permission.

You don't know what the context of the entry was. Sometimes what is written is a rant designed to get rid of negative thoughts so that they don't cause issues elsewhere.

What is the story with the anti-depressants? Have you been diagnosed with a disease/disorder they are supposed to help with? If so, why aren't you on your medications?

You opened the door and now you are going to have to deal with what comes through. Do not confront her when she comes home. Do find a quiet time with few distractions. Explain that you read her journal and are concerned there are some issues you both need to deal with. Ask her what concerns she has. Listen to what she says with as much attention as you want her to listen to what you have to say. If need be, ask for clarification. If the discussion starts getting heated. Take a break and calm down. If she was blowing off steam, accept it. If there are concerns that need to be worked on, find ways to work as a couple.

Communications and compromise are two very important parts of a relationship. In this relationship, you may need to learn how to compromise on the communications.

[talaniman]

You don't confront her. You take it as a word to the wise to improve communications, and work better together.

I don't know how you came to get your hands on her journal, but its quite possible she was trying to get a reaction to see what you would do, and if you were a snoop. Whether she gets mad or not, don't play games, be honest about it. You are a snoop.

[Fr_Chuck]

1. you stop looking at her book

2. unless you want to split up, you don't say anything about it, since you violated her privicy, and this is serious. * I can't believe you did this

3. wow, you move in at her mom, and you are not working, she is paying all the bills for you to go out.

4. so you get off your lazy rear and go out every day and find a job, cleaning cars ? Moping floors, any dirty job if you have to,

[slapshot_oi]

I don't know how you came to get your hands on her journal, but its quite possible she was trying to get a reaction to see what you would do, and if you were a snoop. Whether she gets mad or not, don't play games, be honest about it. You are a snoop.

This is a good point, assuming she left it out in the open, she may have done that on purpose to get a message across in the most passive way possible. But the bottom line is you looked where you weren't supposed to, so you got what you asked for; don't confront her.

I agree with Fr_Chuck. Bro, you're 18, you can definitely find a job, stop making excuses. The ones who were hit bad were the baby boomers because they had the highest salaries. You, on the other hand, will be making no more than $15 per hour without benefits, you're very affordable.

[mrgibbs]

I looked because I was utterly concerned about how she was feeling.
Not saying it was right, and no I'm not a snoop *** holes.

Our level of privacy is beyond broken, she logged into my email because I left it up and that's how she found out I kissed someone else. She reads my fb all the time and emails. This was the FIRST time I did anything of that nature

[talaniman]

Well you could always be on your own as you learn how to communicate with your own female. That's how mature couples set boundaries and learn to work together for the common good.

Real men know how their females are feeling by paying attention, and communicating, NOT by snooping, and what guy puts what he is doing behind a woman's back where she can see it?? And expects her to be happy with a lame apology??

[Cat1864]

i looked because i was utterly concerned about how she was feeling.not saying it was right, and no I'm not a snoop *** holes.

Our level of privacy is beyond broken, she logged into my email because I left it up and that's how she found out I kissed someone else. She reads my fb all the time and emails. This was the FIRST time I did anything of that nature

Please do not change your motivation because you are getting negative feedback about your behavior.

You said you looked out of curiosity not concern.

Just recently she bought a new journal, and out of curiosity I wanted to see what her first entry would be. Saying to myself "I wonder if she wrote about the good times we'd had this summer, or something". Boy was I wrong...

She invaded your privacy. She was wrong. As you know, you looking through her private writings is wrong, too. Just because she did does not give you permission or lessen your accountability.

I am going to be blunt and you aren't going to like it.

You have shown that you have an attitude problem. You struck out at us after asking us for advice. I wonder what she lives with? Be honest with yourself. Look at the full picture and do not try to hide from parts you would rather not see or admit.

Are you supposed to be on doctor prescribed medication? Is not being on it causing you to act like you normally wouldn't?

Why are you on probation? When will the community service end and allow you to be more flexible in your job search?

One thing about this site is that for the most part we won't tell you what you want to hear. We will tell you what we think will work work best for you. In this case, work on communicating with her.

[slapshot_oi]

I don't agree, you know nothing about the job area I live in and jobs in fl. FU

Well I got to give you that one, I don't know anything about the area of where you live, in fact I've never set foot in Florida. I may have come off harsh in my original post, but I my point was that you have your youth and inexperience in the working world as your benefit in this economy.

Our level of privacy is beyond broken.. .

Then it makes perfect sense why she wrote those things in her journal, so again, there's no reason to confront her. How can anyone be happy in a relationship without a slice of trust?

You clearly don't want our advice, so best of luck

[mrgibbs]

Cat- lol. You have no idea about my attitude, like I stated you don't know me.
And I don't believe you're a social psychologist,
Your advice is not necessary just possible help.

Talani- trying to degrade my "manhood" Real men know how their females are feeling by paying attention, and communicating"
IS IGNORANT AS HELL, I think your "online reputation" exceeds your knowledge.

Slapshot I do want your advice or why else would I keep posting, ty for your view.

As you all stated, I'm young.
So think thoroughly before you "type" that way you can help the person on "askmehelpdesk.com" not criticize and prejudge based on a 3 para. Summary of my relationship problems. As-summation based on little knowledge.. hm intelligent.(not)

[mrgibbs]

I will agree not to look at her things, and work on communication.
Not saying I'm perfect that would be ignorant seeing as I am on a help site for my relationship.

Ty and any other feedback ill take gracefully :] I don't hold grudges,
i.e counseling? Etc

[J_9]

Due to the argumentative nature of the OP, this thread is now closed.