[WondererGirl]

I have been dating this guy for a year.well I haven't met him face to face yet cause my islam religion won't let me to actually date him in real.and we agreed on meeting after me telling my parents about the matter.well the thing is he is willing to join islam he's pretty open minded and he wants to learn about it so that's not the problem.I already told mum, she doesn't like the idea but she hasn't refused either and she told me the decision is dads.im afraid the problem is more about culture and country difference than religion.or I'm not really sure.anyone can help me? How to make my dad agree he's pretty stubborn and strict ?

[Hool1Gan]

Let me begin by saying "Masha-Allah" these kind of matters always are. I am not a Muslim but I am quite familiar with Islam, so I understand how delicate the subject can be. You mentioned that you haven't met this person other than the time spent communicating with him. In most cases that would be a red flag, but being that you aren't allowed, I understand. So lets remove the critical part of the equation.. say religion wasn't an issue. There are many people who fall in love or form a bond over the internet, so we'll leave that part in.

Wouldn't you agree that it may be too soon for those kind of plans or topic of conversation with your parents? I get that you really can't meet him officially without bringing it up, however he may be willing to change what it takes to be excepted by your family and in your culture but that will not change his morals, values, or the differences between you that won't truly take notice, until you have interacted with one another... and it takes a lot of it.

I once met a woman briefly in passing, and we would greet each other often but beyond that, we basically became acquainted through email. Notice I didn't say we got to know each other. We had the same values, sense of humor, similar upbringing, and we even looked to be related. In fact she was familiar with words no one else understood, which I used among my siblings. What could be missing from that situation? Religion was not an issue, and we had many mutual friends. All this and still, nothing in common in our way of thinking, and interpreting others.

Neither of us had a clue of what the other meant or intended from talking , or from our actions. I could never distinguish if she was angry or concerned. I couldn't get out a sentence without her distorting and reacting to certain words hat caught her attention. We were able to identify the problem and worked on it together. But the problem wasn't communication, it was our different personalities. We all believe there is someone out there for us. Would it be fair to say there are people out there that are not for us?

The point I want to make is that having a lot in common with someone doesn't mean there isn't something even if only one, that can make or break the deal. That's excluding the major differences in your case. My advise to you is, if you are willing to consult with your parents about this, what more could it hurt to ask that they allow him to interact act get to know you and your family? I'm sure your abu would much rather make an exception to let him come around, than he would to have him convert and risk you both rushing into things. I know you can't date outside your religion, but how about a friend of the family?

if you truly feel there is a connection, don't let anyone influence you on it. But making this sacrifice will be well worth it. I hope this helps. Thimallah

[WondererGirl]

Let me begin by saying "Masha-Allah" these kind of matters always are. I am not a Muslim but I am quite familiar with Islam, so I understand how delicate the subject can be. You mentioned that you haven't met this person other than the time spent communicating with him. In most cases that would be a red flag, but being that you aren't allowed, I understand. So lets remove the critical part of the equation.. say religion wasn't an issue. There are many people who fall in love or form a bond over the internet, so we'll leave that part in.

Wouldn't you agree that it may be too soon for those kind of plans or topic of conversation with your parents? I get that you really can't meet him officially without bringing it up, however he may be willing to change what it takes to be excepted by your family and in your culture but that will not change his morals, values, or the differences between you that won't truly take notice, until you have interacted with one another... and it takes a lot of it.

I once met a woman briefly in passing, and we would greet each other often but beyond that, we basically became acquainted through email. Notice I didn't say we got to know each other. We had the same values, sense of humor, similar upbringing, and we even looked to be related. In fact she was familiar with words no one else understood, which I used among my siblings. What could be missing from that situation? Religion was not an issue, and we had many mutual friends. All this and still, nothing in common in our way of thinking, and interpreting others.

Neither of us had a clue of what the other meant or intended from talking , or from our actions. I could never distinguish if she was angry or concerned. I couldn't get out a sentence without her distorting and reacting to certain words hat caught her attention. We were able to identify the problem and worked on it together. But the problem wasn't communication, it was our different personalities. We all believe there is someone out there for us. Would it be fair to say there are people out there that are not for us?

The point I want to make is that having a lot in common with someone doesn't mean there isn't something even if only one, that can make or break the deal. That's excluding the major differences in your case. My advise to you is, if you are willing to consult with your parents about this, what more could it hurt to ask that they allow him to interact act get to know you and your family? I'm sure your abu would much rather make an exception to let him come around, than he would to have him convert and risk you both rushing into things. I know you can't date outside your religion, but how about a friend of the family?

if you truly feel there is a connection, don't let anyone influence you on it. But making this sacrifice will be well worth it. I hope this helps. Thimallah

hmmmmmm well it's a bit more complicated than that.we actually have same personalities but we misunderstand each other lots through the internet.so actually the internet is the problem.if u want more I could email u if u wanted.I just don't know how things work on this website really xD

[ScottGem]

hmmmmmm well its a bit more complicated than that.we actually have same personalities but we misunderstand each other lots through the internet.so actually the internet is the problem.if u want more i could email u if u wanted.i just dunno how things work on this website really xD

The way this site works is that we keep correspondence in the public threads. This way, other people can offer their advice and also benefit from from the discussion. So please do not ask about or offer to e-mail information. Just use the Answer/Reply options and post a response to the thread as you did here.