[pleasehelpmeh]

My boyfriend of 3years sent me a video we made of me performing oral sex on him.I saved this video and hid it in my phone where you would have to unlock it to view. I never really worried about anyone seeing it because it was "hidden" in my phone. My 5yr old daughter asked if she could play one of her games on the phone while we were on our drive home from school and work. I allowed her to and when we got home she gave me the phone back & I threw it in my purse.. once we got settled in she asked if she could see my phone again... I went to get it out of my purse and seen the video of me performing oral sex on my boyfriend was up with 20 seconds remaining to the video! I panicked and said what were you watching? After I said that I realized it was not her fault and she did nothing wrong! Soon after I went and told her I was sorry . I then asked her if she would tell mommy what she saw in the video. She said she didn't want to tell me what she saw because it was gross.. after trying to see if she knew what I was doing and her not wanting to talk about it , I said it was a chocolate banana mommy was eatting.. she laughed and thought it was funny. I was just trying to make light of the situation for her, but I think I need to take her to counseling now or am I over reacting . I feel like kids remember things like this.Her father is part of her life and I wanted to talk to him but he will hold this against me. It was a honest mistake and I feel so sick to my stomach please give me non judgmental input and advice. The video has been deleted. Do others think seeing this could cause emotional or physical problems? Thank you for your help.

[excon]

Do others think seeing this could cause emotional or physical problems??

Hello p:

No.

For the MOST of our history, children lived in the same room as their parents, in their leantos, huts, wikkiups, or caves.. I'm certain those kids saw their parents making love. They survived, as your little daughter will.

excon

[Aurora_Bell]

Honestly, how many people do you think have heard and or saw their parents having sex. I know I can think of a horror story or two. I think it's a natural thing, maybe just explain in a tactful way, what she saw was something people who are in love do and immediately let it go.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, tell the child the truth, and use it to talk to 5 year old about proper sex, and that it is adult so she knows it is not something 5 year olds do.

Before she decides to try it with a boy at school or something.

Kids hear parents having sex often, and once in a while may walk in on a parent if they don't lock door or something.

Having sex is a natural thing, and should be addressed honestly.

[odinn7]

And can I add... the more you freak out about it (and she will realize that you're freaking out), the worse you will make the situation. Stay calm and follow the advice that others gave you. It is not a big deal unless you make it into one.

[excon]

Hello again, p:

Let me add that we ARE sexual beings from the get go - and I MEAN from the very beginning. We may not know what to DO with it, or what to CALL it, or even be able to PARTICIPATE in it... But, we KNOW something interesting is going on there. It does NOT just dawn upon us when we enter puberty.

If she asks, I'd simply tell her the truth, that you were making love to her father, and LEAVE it at that.. You don't think she's going to believe it was chocolate, do you?

excon

[Cat1864]

Something to ask yourself: Are you more concerned about her reaction or about your ex's reaction if he finds out?

I know you are concerned about her, but would you be reacting so strongly if your ex wasn't in the picture? How would you handle it if he weren't a factor?

How do you answer questions about advertising for adult oriented products?

Parenting is full of embarrassing moments. Staying calm and keeping control of your reactions will help see you through them. Take notes and learn new ways to keep the same thing from happening again.

Quite frankly, you were somewhat lucky. With the increase of people hacking cell phones, the video could have been on the internet.

[Alty]

One thing to remember. We're all human, we all make mistakes, and the sooner she realizes that mommy is human too, the better off she'll be.

I agree that you shouldn't make a big deal out of it. The more you react, the more she will. A simple PG explanation (we were making love, and that's something only adults do), will suffice. Tell her that she wasn't meant to see the video, but that you're to blame for that, and then apologize for that. A simple apology, nothing too outlandish. Don't make a huge deal out of it.

You're human. You're a sexual being. She will be too one day. Sex is a natural thing, and it shouldn't be thought of as dirty, so don't make her feel dirty about it. Just explain that this is adult behavior, and leave it at that.

Don't beat yourself up about this. She'll be fine. :)