[lmlewis4]

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 months. Let's just say we are off to a rocky start sex wise. Everything else is great in the relationship. He's very loving, caring, open, and honest. First before I continue I should say that I have problems taking any birth control that has hormones so I use condoms as my form of contraceptives. So our sexual escapades have started like this: My boyfriend has a large penis and apparently I have a small vagina. So our first attempt at having sex didn't work at all. He couldn't even get it in. Then a few times later we tried lube without a condom and it worked. However, it was painful and he had to go very slow. Then when I got stretched out enough we tried a condom. He had to use a magnum which significantly cuts down on the sensation so he can barely feel it. During all of this I am the one intiating sex he barely does. Before we started having sex which I can count on less than two hands he would initiate dry sex and heavy making out. He doesn't really touch me down there either and I know he doesn't have much experience. I was able to find magnum thin condoms that we are going to purchase and I am going to get spermacide so he can feel it. I hoping that's why he doesn't initiate. He says he finds me very attractive, and sexy and he's in love with me. I am very worried that this is not true. That I am not his type or that his sex drive is very low. I am 27 and he is 28 and I can have sex everyday. We just went a week and a half without having sex then 4 days later I tried to intiate sex several times in the day and he didn't continue with it even though he was erect. I need help! I am starting to feel bad about myself. I have never had an experience where a boyfriend didn't want to rip my clothes every chance he got. Should I stop trying to intiate. I need Help! Thanks!

[Cat1864]

Did you know him before you started dating him?

Why not spend some time getting to know each other without sexual contact? Give him time to show you he likes you for more than your body. You do think of him as more than a penis, don't you?

Sexual contact is not the only way to show attraction, affection, and intimacy.

You say that past boyfriends showed more interest in having sex. Well, look at where that got them. They are exes and this guy isn't. Do you think traveling a different path might lead to a different outcome?

Talk with him when you aren't expecting sex and find out what he thinks and work together to overcome any issues. If you can't communicate and compromise, then perhaps this isn't a good relationship for you.

Don't base your self-esteem on how often you have sex or whether he tries to rip your clothes off. Self-esteem and confidence come from inside. If you believe you are sexy and beautiful then it will show and it won't matter what anyone else believes.

[veryvikki]

I was in the same situation before with my ex. He had a really big penis and I had a tight vagina. It made sexual activity complicated. And it probably hurts you when you're having sex, right? Well I found out that it hurts the guys too. It hurts them a lot actually; like taking a hand and squeezing around the penis. So he didn't really want to have sex with me either. And it hurt my self-esteem even though we were great in the other departments like love and friendship. So even though its embarrassing, I bought a dildo to help loosen me up a little. And it worked. I was still tight but not to the point where it hurt him. And we had sex so much more often after that. It might take a little while to get to that point, but it will be worth it. Good luck :)

[lmlewis4]

I have a high sex drive and could have sex everyday. I am finding that my boyfriend's sex drive is a lot lower. I am usually the one intiating sex and he is the one saying no. I haven't dealt with this problem before. How can I increase his sex drive or decrease mine if that's even the answer? Should I stop being aggressive? He says he likes that but I don't know if that's true. I don't know what to do because I need to have more sex. We only have sex maybe once a week if that. How do I talk to him about this without offending his male libido or making him think that he can't satisfy me.

[Cat1864]

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