[BrewskieBabe007]

Well my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We bought our first home together 3 years into our relationship. We live like a married couple and act like it (he calls me his wife and says his last name when he says my full name). But every time I bring up the topic of actually tying the knot he says something in regards to we have no money and he won't set a date because he hasn't even bought me a ring yet. I told him the ring thing didn't matter and we could worry about it later but he says that that's not how it works. Which I do agree with him but I don't want him to marry me just so I can have a ring. That's not what I'm all about. I want my last name to actually be his last name instead of him just saying to make me feel better or something (its kind of pathetic). Neither one of us can stand each others family's, neither one of us can stand them ourselves. So why can't we just be our own family where everyone isn't pretending just to have the same last name, why can't it be real?

[smoothy]

Sorry if this seems blunt, but its how I see it.

Why would he buy the cow when he gets the milk for free?

He's had everything he wants up to now without the actual commitment a marriage represents. He doesn't see anything in it for him to tie the knot. He already has everything but that. And he gets to maintain his freedom... if only symbolically.

Give you 99.99% odds this is your answer... if he was man enough to admit it to you.

[odinn7]

There could be many reasons but the most common one is that guys are afraid to commit. Smoothy also seemed to hit on a very popular reason as well.

You'll have to decide how important it all is to you and how much trouble you want to cause over it. The excuses he gives are weak... maybe if you sit down with him the two of you can come up with the real reasons.

[Fr_Chuck]

I agree with smoothy, he has no reason to marry you, he has you in the bed, he and you already have the house and so on. And now it is harder for you to get the house if you break up, if married, divorce court is set up to divide the house.
Now he can just pack up and move and still own 1/2 the house.

You are correct a ministry would come to your home or you can marry at the court house and with license and all be under 200 bucks. Throw in some new dress clothes and a pot luck dinner for family and you may be a few hundred dollars.

You need to make him SIT and talk, real reasons, and/or give him a date, and till him to do it.

[blueskys00]

Commitment is difficult for many. If this is your need, to have the real deal of a marriage then tell him so.
Make a date to visit and share your feelings, make notes that you can refer to as you may get flustered.
I, for one, would need the ring and the commitment even if it is made of yarn. Yarn rings can be upgraded but your feelings and delight in a person, that can not make the commitment, may never grow.
The real growth and love comes with this tie both legally and with in your spirit. Let him know that this is the big gain for him.
If this is not possible then give him the date of your leaving him. With out this hard stance you will continue with a troubled heart.
Or, you may decide to accept his ways. Do so only if you can feel good about it. Life is too short and the fish in the sea are numerous once you are free to take that swim unencumbered by him.

[talaniman]

If communicating after 5 years hasn't gotten you both on the same page, then somebody is not going along with the program.

Maybe you should be telling HIM how it DOES work.