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drgnslyr18 · Aug 1, 2011, 10:34 PM

My girlfriend of 2 years recently told me she cut herself. As far as I know its only scratches on her wrists like 1 layer of skin deep. I am the first person she ever told about it, not her best friend and not anyone in her family. IDK what Im supposed to do, if I tell someone she will hate me and break up with me, and I couldn't stand that but I fear if I don't tell anyone it will progress to serious cuts. She said it was good to tell someone about it but I asked her if she should tell her sister or her best friend but she said she couldn't tell her sister because she would tell her family and she couldn't tell her friend because its too hard. Im thinking of ways to get her to stop but without betraying her trust I can't think of one... any advise? Im Desperate!

Wondergirl · Aug 1, 2011, 10:41 PM

Did she tell you why she cuts? How are things between her and her parents?

Usually it's a way to release emotions and to find a measure of control. The person is unable to control other things in her life, but the cutting she CAN control.

drgnslyr18 · Aug 1, 2011, 11:01 PM

She's been depressed since her mom moved in with this other guy. She doesn't really talk to her dad all that much. I asked her if she should talk to the school guidance councilor but she said they would say she needed pills and it would be to embarrassing to tell, and she couldn't face her parents if they knew. I asked her if she could stop but she said she tries but cant. I know its helping her knowing that she's told someone but Its just not really something I know how to cope with or help. Or am I helping by not saying anything. After telling me she started crying and couldn't look me in the eye. And it just hurt to see her like that but I don't know what I can do... :'(

Wondergirl · Aug 1, 2011, 11:06 PM

I don't know where you are, but usually pills aren't the answer for cutting. Something called CBT is. That's cognitive-behavioral therapy, a different way of thinking about how she's coping, a better way to cope than cutting.

A counselor, even a school counselor, is supposed to keep everything confidential, and will report to parents only if the student is a danger to herself or to others. She can check that before she talks with someone at school.

As far as embarrassing, she would be shocked to find out how many teens cut. It's been an epidemic for the past ten years and certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. She should be embarrassed for refusing to get help.

drgnslyr18 · Aug 1, 2011, 11:19 PM

Okay how can I help with the cognitive-behavioral therapy or get her to try it? And How can I get her to the councilor if she doesn't want help by that route? And please don't say go behind her back and tell the councilor.

drgnslyr18 · Aug 1, 2011, 11:30 PM

And thank you so much for the time it took to answer, its helping me understand a bit better. Thanks again

elani · Aug 2, 2011, 02:30 AM

I know this is really scary for you, especially for a guy. Wonder girl is right, she will definitely need therapy. Does she have medical aid? This can be quite expensive. People who cut have immense difficulty with coping with their hurts and fears. They also struggle horribly with trusting other people with what is going on inside themselves. They usually seem very balanced and in control on the surface, but are locked in a never-ending battle with their demons on the inside. The fact that she told you is very good. Try to get her to tell you about what bothers her, what she's scared of, maybe she feels insecure or let down? Also understand that once she has confided in you, you must never ever break her trust, even if the status of your current relationship may change in the future. The kind of person who cuts, feels destroyed when the person that they chose to confide in, breaks their trust, with potentially disastrous consequences, especially when she's depressed.

Wondergirl · Aug 2, 2011, 06:52 AM

Okay how can I help with the cognitive-behavioral therapy or get her to try it? and How can I get her to the councilor if she doesnt want help by that route? And please dont say go behind her back and tell the councilor.

No, don't go behind her back. That will destroy her trust in you.

CBT is fun and painless, but it needs to be done with a real counselor, not by a boyfriend or friend who is trying to be a counselor or by herself.

How to get her to a counselor? Ask her if she will do a test for a counselor -- start seeing one and give it three sessions to try it out. If she can't/won't commit to counseling after three sessions, we'll put our heads together to think of something else.

drgnslyr18 · Aug 6, 2011, 11:38 PM

Thanks for the info, tips, and suggestions. We talked it out and she promised to go to the school councilor Tuesday when school starts. I hope it helps. Thanks again :)

Wondergirl · Aug 7, 2011, 07:39 AM

Originally Posted by drgnslyr18

Thanks for the info, tips, and suggestions. We talked it out and she promised to go to the school councilor Tuesday when school starts. I hope it helps. Thanks again :)

That makes me so happy! Please let us know what happens!

And she is always welcome to add a post in this thread to say hi and to ask any questions. Or ask more questions through you.