[Sfredendall]

I have been with my ex for 7 years, we dated for 2 then got married. I screwed up and was unfaithful and we divorced after 6months. We stayed together after though off and on. Her family is very close and did there best to keep us apart after I hurt her. She went back to school and I kind of went off the deep end for about a year after the divorce, a lot of jobs and alcohol. I cleaned up and took a job about 2 hours from her but we stayed together. I would drive back and see her almost every weekend for a couple years.

We stayed together because we were in love and we are comfortable with each other. When we are together we always enjoy our time with each other. She called me every night when she went to work and when she got off in the morning. The only issue is that she has had to hide us from her family so it made something's hard. I told her that I would like to move forward and come out to her parents but she just said she was not ready to take that step. I understood cause it is embarrassing for her to take back her ex husband that cheated on her.

Last November I hurt myself on the job, herniated disc, and had surgery in Jan and going in for the second in August. This put a strain on us because I wasn't able to come see her very much and I have become very depressed through this time. A couple months ago I moved and my new place doesn't have a fence for my dog so I couldn't go see her for more than over night. We had a fight a she said she didn't know if this is what she wants anymore and that she feels like she has been babysitting me and she is tired of it, but we talked and told her that I was just going through a bad time with all this and that it will get better.

Well I didn't get to see her much in July and I noticed the last couple weeks she wasn't replying to my texts very much and when we talked sometimes she wouldn't say I love you when we would say by. Last Saturday we were talking and she seemed down or lonely and I know I was so I decided to surprise her. I drove down while she was out to dinner with her nurse friends and was going to wait on her at the house. I kind of hinted to her that I might be coming, and all she kept asking is if I'm coming or if I was in town. When I got to the house I was sitting in living room waiting for her. I text her that I was at the house waiting on her. It was late so I decided to go to bed, but when I went to the bedroom I found a pair of underwear on the floor that wasn't mine. I kind of blew it off at first because her brothers stay with her sometimes, and she has always been honest with me.

We had our trust issues from the marriage but we both agreed that that was something that we could never do to each other again, too much pain the first time. But when I laid down I opened the bed side table drawer where we keep condoms and find a pencil drawing with her name and it said" to my long lost passion partner". When she got home I confronted her and she told me she hadn't really considered us together since our last fight. She said she only saw him a couple times last week and she already broke it off. Yet we still talked every day and she still told me she loved me. I told her that I forgive her and I want to move on, but she said she wants a break or to break up to find out what she wants for her life. I asked if it was because of the other guy and she said she doesn't talk to him any more, but we are on the same phone bill and when I checked she talks and texts him everyday. I asked her and she said that he was a friend before it happened. She said she just didn't want to complicate it that she wasn't talking to him about a relashionship.

I already did what I shouldn't I begged. I've spent the past 5 years trying to be a better person for her, she makes want to be a better person. But now when I needed her with me the most she want to break up because she never had the time to get over what I did to her. And she just wants to know that I'm the one if she is going to make a long term commitment and go in front of her parents with me.

I think it more, I think that now she has new friend that go out a lot and she is always getting hit on, because everyone thinks she is single, she wants to play the field. She has never been that kind of girl to just sleep around. It caught me off guard completely. She is my better half and I feel lost and without a desire to move on with my life thinking I don't get to enjoy it with her. I just don't know what to do, I want her back but I don't want to be that guy that stalks his ex waiting for her. But I love her too much to just walk away without a fight. She says she still loves me and cares and she says she still wants to talk and she want to be there for my surgery. She says she know I'm going through a hard time and she doesn't want me to be alone.

I agreed to the break as long as we are not going to see other people and she agreed, but today says that if this break is going to work she doesn't want us to have any grey area and there should be no commitment between us till she figures it out. I just know that I don't want see her hurt again like I hurt her, and I know I'm the only one that can guarantee that I would never do that. It just too hard to let go of the thing you love the most not knowing if she will ever come back.

How do I get her to realize that I'm the guy that's going to try the hardest for her happiness.

[talaniman]

I don't think you make her realize anything my friend, I think she has to come to the conclusion on her own that you are worth taking back, and that's what she wants to do.

I know you agreed to not see others, but you also have no commitment. All you can do is talk and listen, but keep making yourself better, for yourself, and not her. Stop assuming she even wants to come back, I don't care how many times she says the LOVE word to you as clearly, she doesn't love you enough.

Maybe your best action is to leave her alone to miss you, AND HEAL, in her own time, her own way.

[vanheart]

Its sounds like both of you have prolonging the inevitable.

Most of this whole thing doesn't sound good. Regardless of redemption.

The only reason why she continued was because she felt bad & didn't want to hurt. Her family actually was right.

You aren't good for her & she the same.

Move on. Get your ducks in a row, your poop in a group, your act together.

One way is to start figuring out who you are, what you want & what doesn't work. And how to start being an adult.
Not just letting things play out, then try to fix it later.

Then you can start things off on the right foot for next time.
With some experience.

[HurtScorpio]

Well, first off I am sorry for your situation. However, when you cheat on a girl generally and in more cases than not if she has any sense of self worth it is something that can be"forgiven" but never forgotten. She will never forget that you betrayed her. You could only keep the marriage together for 6 months? That is sad,really. Why did you even marry her? Were you pressured because you were with her so long? It seems honestly that the only reason you want her back now is because someone else is with her and if she was not with someone else she may not be so "attractive" to you> I mean, you could not come to see her because of your dog... I know pet's are important but so is your relationship and you already jilted her and then you say you worked on improving yourself. How? You did not say. You said you staryed drinking and it got worse. She may love you, but she did not love you enough to not sleep with someone else nor did you love her enough. She may care for you very much and still have deep feelings for you but actions speak louder than words and phone bill indicates her interest is with the other guy. She is not going to make you a better person. My ex husband who was an alcoholic always used to tell me he "needed me to make him a better person" and that is BS. He needed to make himself one and to this day he has not, he just found a girl who allowed him to drink and destroy himself but HE is doing it to himself. It is you that can do that and with renewed self confidence you will find a great girl, a girl who will stand by you and you WILL fall in love again. Just don't screw it up by cheating!