[rain38]

Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for about five years now and we are very happy. For the past few years we've been in a long distance relationship and have worked hard to bridge the distance between us. We both work in fields that don't have many job openings, but we've been exploring every job opportunity that comes our way in an effort to move closer to each other. I love him and hope to marry him.

The only problem is that a couple years ago we had a rough patch, decided to break up, and during that time I dated someone else. I never told him because I didn't want to hurt him and I felt that what I did when we weren't together wasn't his business. I also think at the time I was still holding out hope that we could make things work and I knew he wouldn't forgive me if he knew I was exploring other options. I eventually broke up with the other guy and got back together with my boyfriend and while I'm not proud of what happened, I feel like the time spent with another person gave me a new perspective on the relationship and actually helped it when we got back together. I appreciate him much more and am very grateful to have a second chance to be with him.

My only question now is whether I should tell him. Part of me feels guilty keeping another relationship hidden from him and I would like things to be open and honest between us, but another part of me feels like it would cause him a lot of unnecessary pain and potentially end the relationship. I'm not sure what to do. Our relationship is better than it's ever been, partly because of the time I took for myself (I didn't date much before I met him, and think I needed to explore a little before I could be sure about the relationship), but I hate keeping a secret like this from him. Thanks for your help!

[amicon]

How do you think he would react if you did tell him?

Do you know what he did when you were apart?

I'm all for honesty-but you were broken up...

[ken007nielsen]

I see no reson in telling him. Your job is to be a faithful loving girlfriend, while you were broken up you explored options which has absolutely nothing to do with him!

And I could be wrong, but to be honest. I don't think he mind not knowing.

[talaniman]

What kind of fellow is he that you think he can't handle the truth? But you have a point, it was none of his business since you were broken up, BUT will he take that into account? Or freak out because you DIDN'T trust him with the truth?

Tough call, but not sure if "Don't ask, don't tell" works in this situation.

[hidden123]

I see no reason to tell him. Did he ask you directly? Sometimes the truth is over rated, if all it will do is hurt another's feelings.. Plus, you didn't betray his trust and cheat on him or anything..