[Heaatherr]

I was single for about two years when I met a guy I wasn't all that crazy about. He too had been single for two years. At first I wasn't feeling it and was pushing him away and then I fell for him. My insecurities from past relationship got the best of me. I kept pushing him away and it was totally unintentional. I would do anything to be with him. Hes the kind of guy who let's stress get the best of him but I was always there to do anything and everything for him. We weren't even together for longer then 4 months but we each put so much emotion into it. He has gone back and fourth on what he wanted and when I finally thought that was it, he was going to dump me, he said he wanted to try and not let me go. Four days after that, he dumped me. I feel like after all he's been through... hes scared. Then I found out he sent a girl flowers and she's in Italy over the weekend as we broke up. Is he just trying to push me out cause he's scared?
He dumped me 2 days before my birthday and it's now 4 days since we broke up and he hasn't talked to me. I haven't contacted him at all. I don't want to throw in the towel. I want to fix this. I want to show him how I feel an show him there isn't a reason to be scared. The worst is he didn't wish me a happy birthday.
What should I do? I'm the kind of person who fights for love. I need advice...

[vanheart]

Doesn't sound like you were single enough.

You didn't dig him from the get go, now crying that he sent some other girl flowers.

Sounds like you bagged him before you got over your last heartbreak, then couldn't deal.
He felt that & decided. Wouldn't you?

Throw in the towel.

Figure out what it is you want, how you go about it & who you are attracted to, & who you trust & why.

First concentrate on you. Getting yourself together, be aware, act accordingly.

[talaniman]

Throw the towel in on this one, and try to be a lot better with the next one. All that back and forth drama just ain't necessary. Passion is one thing, drama is quite another.

When it doesn't work walk away.

[Heaatherr]

I really appreciate your advice... but I can't throw it in yet. He and I have been through so much from a terrible car accident to other issues. He is Mr. Right but possibly the wrong time. I just want to tell him how I feel about him.
Unfortunately it's all like a game and when played the right way, we win. It's something that I know can work, I just don't know my next move.

[vanheart]

If he was Mr Right, you wouldn't be in this.

Don't let the past confuse reality.

Take a look:

"I met a guy I wasn't all that crazy about" (Huh?)
"At first I wasn't feeling it and was pushing him away and then I fell for him" (huh?)
"and was pushing him away" (huh?)
"I kept pushing him away" (huh?)
"He has gone back and fourth"
"Four days after that, he dumped me"
"he sent a girl flowers"
"The worst is he didn't wish me a happy birthday."
"He dumped me 2 days before my birthday"
"it's now 4 days since we broke up and he hasnt talked to me"

Hope you got the picture.
Don't waste your time.

No matter, what you do, say or feel.
He isn't the one for you

And you aren't either.

Don't waste your energy on him.

[amicon]

Love isn't a game-don't stay addicted to the drama-he broke up with you-face the facts and start healing.

[talaniman]

I really appreciate your advice.....but i can't throw it in yet. He and I have been through so much from a terrible car accident to other issues. He is Mr. Right but possibly the wrong time. I just want to tell him how I feel about him.
Unfortunately it's all like a game and when played the right way, we win. It's something that I know can work, I just dont know my next move.

Stop playing the game then and back up and take time to think of what your next move should be. I think your next move should be to do your own thing until you figure out what that next move is. If he wanted you, he would have sent YOU flowers, not her.

Acceptance ain't easy.

[I wish]

If you don't want to give up on him, then let him know how you feel, but you can't force him to come back to you.

What you can do is best honest about your feelings with him, so that at least he knows how you feel so that he can make a decision based on that.

But his heart seems to be with someone else, i.e. the girl in Italy.

[liz28]

You want to fix this thing between the two of you but you can't fix it alone. It takes two to make a relationship work not one.

Now you want him back but I wonder do you really want him back or do you want him back more because now you know there might be another girl in the picture.

At least, you learnt one thing from this 4 month relationship and that is your insecurities issues. Start working on that!

This guy more than likely didn't dump you because he was scared of anything. He dumped you, more than likely, because he had another girl on his mind (the one he sent the flowers too). Too bad he couldn't have just been truthful to you but hey you live and you learn. Move on!

[Heaatherr]

He just met this girl. He doesn't know her at all. And when I say I wasn't all that into him was because he came on too strong, I know how he feels and I know how I feel ab making some random girl a distraction will only bite him in the ***.

[Cat1864]

Before you try to tell him how you feel, I think you need to figure that out yourself. I am not sure you really want him as much as you want the idea of having someone in your life.

You push him away (whether consciously or not) and when the stress (partly caused by you) gets the best of him, you 'do anything and everything for him' to hold on to him.' After four months, he appears to have cut the string and stopped being a yo-yo. It will probably take a lot to convince him you aren't playing a game with him as the game token.

IF you truly care about him as an individual not just someone to 'be with' because you now want a relationship, take some time to work through your own insecurities. Being more secure in yourself will help you be more secure in the relationship.

I don't suggest trying to get back with him until after you have both worked through the issues that caused the break up. If you don't, then you will end up right back where you are now. Promises to change and adapt can be easily made, but they are harder to keep. Don't make any promises you can't keep.

Good luck.

[vanheart]

Nice post. Says it all.