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grandunion · Jul 28, 2011, 08:59 AM

My husband and I have a 36 year old son who lives with us. He has some physical and emotional issues and refuses to make any positive changes.He is very verbally abusive,calling me filthy names and bullying me into doing things for him since he does not work or drive.My husband does not want to ask him to leave because he feels he would end up on the street or dead. I am at my wit's end and even though I don't want the worst to happen I feel he should take responsibility for his behavior and treat us with respect or get out.

JudyKayTee · Jul 28, 2011, 09:01 AM

You can't force someone to behave in a way in which he does not want to behave.

Me? I'd throw him out. It's called tough love.

phillysteakandcheese · Jul 28, 2011, 09:20 AM

Your son has gotten too comfortable with his situation and needs to wake up to the fact he is a guest in your home, not a little boy living with Mommy & Daddy.

Your husband needs to understand that your son won't "step up" and take responsibility for himself if he can continue to abuse your generosity (it's probably his current "life plan" to mooch off you until you die).

You and your husband need to agree on a plan to get your son out of your house. Once he's forced to start being responsible for himself, you can gradually reduce the amount of support you are willing to provide him.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 28, 2011, 10:00 AM

Strict rules, take away benefits if he does not follow, he want to eat, he has to wash dishes, if not, don't cook for him.

If he wants clean clothes, he has to wash them.

If he wants a TV to watch or a internet to use, he has to behave.

If he can not live by rules and is abusive, kick him out

jenniepepsi · Jul 28, 2011, 10:18 AM

I wouldn't even think about trying to enforce rules. Tell him to leave and if he will not have the police escort him away.

I'm sorry, I understand that adult children need some help sometimes. I myself lived with my parents until I was 25. However. At 36 years old, if he is not doing ANYTHING to make his situation better, kick his rear end to the curb and let him live his own life.

Good luck

joypulv · Jul 28, 2011, 12:00 PM

Not being nosy, wanting to help - what physical issues? What emotional issues? Does he work?

Maybe he would qualify for SSDI. It would take months of waiting and a doctor's say so, and approval from SS, but it might be worth it. He would then get Medicare and Medicaid and housing and all sorts of benefits.