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Shanet75 · Jul 23, 2011, 01:37 PM

My fiancé and I have messed around with people together as a couple. Now all of a sudden she has been texting a woman and I have weird feelings about it. They say things like "xoxoxo" "miss you sexy" "cant wait". She never talked this way to other people we messed around with. Also, with the other people it was one time and that was it.

She has mentioned she maybe wanted an ongoing FWB with this woman, who also has a BF. I just have a not so good feeling about this one cause she has also mentioned maybe messing around with me not there! So yesterday I asked her to stop talking to this woman. She did send her a text saying "sorry, my man and I are moving on. Sorry." But this morning she wouldn't hug me before work and she was bummed and upset. She said she just wants to mess around with a woman she "connected with and that all."

Would she not freak out of I told her I found a woman I "connected with" and wanted to mess with her alone?? I don't mind playing with other people as long as her and I do it as a couple and we know everything going on. What are your thoughts??

talaniman · Jul 23, 2011, 02:28 PM

Seems to me you have not talked and made the boundaries clear between you. That's what needs to happen, you have to clarify the rules, together, that work for you both. For now she is mad and disappointed with you for ruining her fun. Talk it over and clear the air.

Shanet75 · Jul 23, 2011, 02:35 PM

Actually in the beginning we agreed that we would BOTH always be there. Always. That it would be 1 time and move on so there is no drama or a build up of possible feelings. Also, that if we had a single guy or single girl they would come over for the both of us, as WE are a couple. Before she always told me what was said when she txted people about coming over. There was never any "xoxoxo" "miss you" "thinking of yous". It was more impersonable and just about playing and getting our freak on. But when she said she connected with this woman and finds her super attractive, I just felt off about it.
Than when she was upset enough to not hug me today and said she was bummed and upset it really through me off.

pApeRthIn · Jul 26, 2011, 07:34 AM

I think you should talk to her about it and tell hew how your are feeling. And if she doesn't want to agree that your feelings shouldn't be like that tell them what they have been doing to make you feel that way. Hope all ends up well.

talaniman · Jul 26, 2011, 01:31 PM

Sounded like a great way to have fun and get your freak on, but as with humans, they cannot avoided there own feelings, and bringing someone into your relationship has come between you because now she wants to get her freak on with this 3rd person again, without you. You can only talk to compromise, for resolution of this conflict, or let it tear the relationship apart.

Irreconcilable differences I think they call it.

88sunflower · Jul 26, 2011, 01:50 PM

All I have to say is your playing with fire bringing a third party in to your relationship. A big ring of fire. It truly doesn't matter if you talked each other blue in the face about the rules of this getting freaky with other people. Feelings just happen. You can't plan them. Now you have to come forward and talk openly about how you feel and either make new rules or end it all together. Sex for fun is wonderful but there are never any promises.