[GabeRios11]

I have a one year old son. Me and the baby mom were datin for three years. Im 17 and she is 16. I was there for her every step of the way, through her pregnancy. I got a job, I'm a sophomore in college, and I even had my own duplex with her and my son paying $750 for rent and bills. Suddenly I noticed that she hasn't helped me out at all during this time. No job and she is failing her classes. I tried talking to her telling her to change and grow up into the woman we (me and my son) need. I told her we are parents now and need to be adults and provide for our family. After staying with her for so long, I finally broke up with her telling her that I need a woman not a little girl. She moved back with her mom and I stay with my friends house (until I get my apartment downtown August 4th). After all I did for her, I try and go see my son and she keeps him from me. Not only that, she hits me and yells at me saying I'm a ***** dude and that I'm like all the other guys out there. Even on my sons First birthday I go to see him and she lets me see him for 5 seconds until starts beating me in frustration because I left her. She is using my son for me to go back to her, but that is no way ever going to happen. My dad has been in prison since I was ten, her dad was never in her life. I don't want this for my son and thinks its unfair not just to me but it's going to bruise my son also. I tried talking to her and all she says is that's what I get for leaving my family. Im trying to go to court but I need advice and help on this process. I have signed the parentage papers when he was born and I'm on his birth certificate. Please I need help I have to be in my sons life I would feel guilty if I wouldn't be there for him especially when I know how it feels.

[joypulv]

You managed to gain an unusual amount of maturity by 17 and it sounds like she is a typical too-young mother saddled with a child she isn't ready for. (But we aren't hearing her side, and she's the one who is stuck at home.)
You go to Family Court and apply for joint custody, and the court will decide what the arrangement will be. It would help if you could have a lawyer and supportive family with you, since you will need help while you continue college.
What state are you in? Laws vary, and your age may be a factor too.

[GabeRios11]

I live in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'm not trying to put her down I tried to help, I still do. I told her that regardless if we are together or not you need to be an independent woman for your son. Also, would I have to pay child support, if so how much?

[Fr_Chuck]

You dated and had sex with a child, and the child had a baby, that does not make her grow up.

So you file in court for joint custody.

[ScottGem]

I agree, you have an unusually mature outlook. Unfortunately you didn't have it when you really needed it. And that was when you decided to father a child with a child. That was not the act of a mature person. Unfortunately it is your child who will suffer for it.

There will always be animosity between the mother and you unless, by some miracle, she grows up. But the way I see it, she viewed you as a meal ticket. Someone who would take care of her for the rest of her life. I suspect she did not have a loving home life (you said her father was not around) and she latched on you as a surrogate.

You started dating when you were 14 and she was 13 and you probably never had any real experience with anyone else. So neither of you really knew what your true feeling were.

I know you don't want to hear all this, but you need to face reality and hopefully your lesson will discourage other children from emulating you.

But you need to go to your local Family court. You need to ask the court clerk what you have to do file to get joint custody and visitation. If the clerk won't help, does your college have a law school? Many law schools have clinics to help people with legal issues. They can probably help you prepare the paperwork you need.

I wish you luck and hope you will keep us posted on what is going on.

[cdad]

I live in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'm not trying to put her down i tried to help, i still do. I told her that regardless if we are together or not you need to be an independent woman for your son. Also, would i have to pay child support, if so how much?

Child support may be enough that your not going to afford an apartment of your own. You need to get things settled before you even think of moving. Who is signing for everything that your doing at this time? As a minor you can not sign for things with the possible exception of the child so long as you're the legal court approved father.

[GabeRios11]

Thanks Scott, I know what I did in the past wasn't smart at all but I'm trying everything I can now to be the best father I can be. You're exactly right about the mother too. I'm grateful for your guys p.o.v keep them coming it's helping me out. I just scheduled an appointment with a free volunteer lawyer for tomorrow I'll keep you guys posted.

[ScottGem]

Thanks Scott, i know what i did in the past wasn't smart at all but i'm trying everything i can now to be the best father I can be. You're exactly right about the mother too. I'm grateful for your guys p.o.v keep them coming it's helping me out. I just scheduled an appointment with a free volunteer lawyer for tomorrow i'll keep you guys posted.

Ok, you got me on your side. It is so refreshing to have someone accept their mistakes without attacking the messenger. Your child is lucky to have you as a father. I hope the mother's immaturity won't get in the way of your being a father.

[joypulv]

Financial support is always part of the hearing, but you are still both minors, so I for one don't know what Minnesota will rule. Custody arrangements often have changes as each parent changes their situation and income (and maybe when you turn 18). It is up to each of you to arrange hearings as they happen.
You are articulate (apparently very smart, to be a sophomore at 17!), do sound mature despite fathering a child, have arranged to see a lawyer - all good signs - but I do have to agree that maybe you don't understand your teen ex and that you can't just tell her to be responsible when she doesn't have a clue what that means or how to be it.

[GabeRios11]

Yea I understand what you're saying. But that's what would get me frustrated, that we didn't see eye to eye with parenting.