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me2u2 · Jul 23, 2011, 03:19 PM

I just received a call from my 13yr old cousin. She called me because she is scared and don't know what to do,She told me that her and her BF as she claims had sex 12 weeks ago unprotected of course and she found out she is pregnant. She exclaimed she don't want to tell my aunt or her mom in this case. I told her as a mom of two myself and one on the way I told her she had to see a doctor because she needs to find out options, also she needs to be taking vitamins and also I told her that she needs to have the proper prenatal testing done. She said she does not want to go because the doctor will look at her funny because she turned 13 a week ago and is 12 or so weeks pregnant she does not want me telling her mom but as her cousin I am thinking with my heart. I don't know I don't understand why she just didn't use a condom actually why s.e just didn't have sex. She actually told me he only put the tip in so she thought she couldn't get pregnant. What do I say or do. We are from a italian family and I had my 1st right before I turned 18 and I almost lost my whole family's support and she is 13 I can just imagine. If she says something I'm afraid she will be kicked out of her house and I have childre of my own and a fience, I can't afford 2 more childre. What would you guys do in my situation? ******please help

Fr_Chuck · Jul 23, 2011, 05:24 PM

You call and tell her mom a few moments after you read this.

Why that was not your first move, I don't know, the mom needs to know.

me2u2 · Jul 23, 2011, 05:31 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

You call and tell her mom a few moments after you read this.

Why that was not your first move, I don't know, the mom needs to know.

I honestly can't be the ont to tell her mom she has to do it on her own she made a grown up decision to have sex and she has to be a grown up and tell her own mothe hereing it from my mouth will be a 100X worse then hereing if from her own child's

Fr_Chuck · Jul 23, 2011, 05:36 PM

No, she is a 13 year old child and the person who had sex with her raped her ( statutory rape)

Next you can not take the chance that first she won't tell

And the child needs counseling, she needs medical attention and more.

You are being scared to do a duty that has to be done. Also if you are really a aunt and a adult, you know that children will not act like a adult at 13.

ScottGem · Jul 23, 2011, 05:43 PM

I understand your wanting her to tell her mother to hear it from her first. But you can't wait. So you give her an ultimatum. You give her a day or so to tell her mom and if she doesn't tell her you will have to.

Do you live close? Offer to be with her when she tells her.

Wondergirl · Jul 23, 2011, 05:45 PM

Tell your cousin she has three days to tell her parents. If she hasn't told them by Wednesday, you will tell them. That way she has a chance to be a big girl about this.

me2u2 · Jul 23, 2011, 06:19 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Tell your cousin she has three days to tell her parents. If she hasn't told them by Wednesday, you will tell them. That way she has a chance to be a big girl about this.

Well as it stands right now she has a apointment at the ob/gyn that I am going to with my pregnancy she is taking the right steps for herself and the baby. I am just afraid that her mom will kick her out. I don't want to see her on the streets and I can't afford to take her in I have a family on 4 soon to be 5 and I can't feed 2 more mouths. I almost got thrown out at 17teen when I had my daughter I can't even think what will happen to her. I know it's the right ting to tell her mom and if she don't I will have to I told her we can tell her together and if she was to be thrown out she can stay with my fience and I for a while but he is not happy at all about the idea. And about the (RAPE) comment her BF or now ex BF is only 14 and he did not force her she thought she was ready and made the decision to have sex on her own I'm not protecting the boy I don't even know who he is but throwing the word rape around is serious and if it was not that which she said it wasn't I believe her. If she makes the decision to abort the baby it is 100% up to her [I] know she is not ready to be a mom but with kids to day you have to expect pregnancy at 12- 13-14 its just the world we are living in.

Wondergirl · Jul 23, 2011, 06:23 PM

Originally Posted by me2u2

Well as it stands right now she has a apointment at the ob/gyn that I am going to with my pregnancy she is taking the right steps for herself and the baby. I am just afraid that her mom will kick her out.

I'm glad she has you to advise her and help her through telling her mom. As you said, young teen pregnancy is common enough nowadays, so let's hope her mom won't freak out and will finally calm down to help her make a good decision.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 23, 2011, 06:26 PM

Also at her age, there are normally teen pregnancy centers, and foster care if her mom kicks her out.

me2u2 · Jul 23, 2011, 06:40 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Also at her age, there are normally teen pregnancy centers, and foster care if her mom kicks her out.

Didn't think about that but I don't what her to be in the system. Its not a good place to be as a young teen especially in nj. So many kids in nj die in the systems and they don't give a crap the parents that need there kids or foster kids taken still have them and good parents have dyfs at there door ready to take there kids its crazy. If it came down to it she would live with me my fience and my kids even thought he hates the idea. I know what she is going through because I gave birth at 17teen and lucky me I am enguaged to the kids dad now she said she broke up with her BF because his mom called he a slut and said she gave it up to quick.

ScottGem · Jul 23, 2011, 06:53 PM

Originally Posted by me2u2

=about the (RAPE) comment her BF or now ex BF is only 14 and he did not force her she thought she was ready and made the decision to have sex on her own im not protecting the boy I dont even know who he is but throwing the word rape around is serious and if it was not that which she said it wasn't I believe her.

WRONG! She is under the age of consent. She cannot legally make the decision on her own. It doesn't matter whether she consented or not, its still rape. However, since he is less than 4 years older than he is not prosecutable under NJ law.

This is why they have such laws to protect girls who don't have a clue.

You are being a very good relative. I hope you can stick by your cousin. As far as her parents throwing her out, they are still responsible for her. So they can't just throw her out on the street.

me2u2 · Jul 23, 2011, 07:04 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

WRONG! She is under the age of consent. She cannot legally make the decision on her own. It doesn't matter whether she consented or not, its still rape. However, since he is less than 4 years older than he is not prosecutable under NJ law.

This is why they have such laws to protect girls who don't have a clue.

You are being a very good relative. I hope you can stick by your cousin. As far as her parents throwing her out, they are still responsible for her. so they can't just throw her out on the street.

This actually helped a lot I am so happy her mom can't legualy throw her out and I will always be by my cousins side we are so close despite our age diffrence.