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lekha333 · Jul 16, 2011, 08:13 AM

Without a fight. I moved in with him more than three years ago. The lease is in his name only since he has had the apartment for more than a decade but I have been paying all of the rent and most of the bills (including his lawyer and dental bills) since he left his job more than 2-1/2 years ago. He just started working two months ago and makes little money. He has promised verbally to pay me back the more than $17,000 he owes me and has even kept a tally on his computer showing all payments made by me on his behalf (I downloaded a copy of it onto a memory stick without him knowing and, since then, he claims to have deleted it from the computer). I have already signed a lease on my own apartment and have a few weeks until I move out. I am afraid he will make this very difficult for me and may even get violent (he is already verbally and emotionally abusive which is why I am leaving). The apartment we share is filled with my expensive furniture and antiques and I am afraid he will start breaking things. Does anyone have any experience and advice to offer me on how I can go about getting out safely and with losing my valuables and without drama? I don't want to be sneaky but am wondering if I should tell him I'm moving on a certain day and move a couple days prior to that while he is working. I hate that I even have to think about doing something like that but I want the drama to end.
Thank you to anyone who has advice for me.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 16, 2011, 09:00 AM

When he goes to work, go in and take what is yours. Be gone when he gets home.

cdad · Jul 16, 2011, 09:53 AM

Just a side note. What you have on the memory stick that you stole from his computer means nothing. Unless you have a written contract of some kind forget about any money coming back as repayment.

twinkiedooter · Jul 16, 2011, 10:03 AM

Carefully plan your move out to happen when he's at work. Have a moving company come in and take your stuff out as quickly as possible.

Then do not get a listed phone number or disclose where you moved to to anybody. Change your cell phone number as well. And as Califdad pointed out unless you have a written contract about the $17K that he owes you you're not going to get it back in a big hurry, if ever. You can try taking him to Court but again if he says the monies were a gift, etc the Judge can't award the money to you.

Also, you did need to live somewhere and you DID pay the rent so why are you upset about this? Seems that you have been taken royally so let this be a VERY expensive lesson when it comes to men and their lies.

Take your antiques out of the apartment and store them at a friends place until you can move out. You can tell him you've placed them at a consignment shop for possible sale as you need the money. At least he can't break them if not there.

Try to put this behind you once you've left him. You will also have to somehow duck him while you are at work and not take his calls, etc or talk to him while entering or leaving work either.

Let's face it, he's losing his meal ticket and he's going to fight you tooth and nail to stay there and support him.