[kittyykat]

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and are really close :D we have been best of friends since the beginning on secondry school in 2000 he proposed to me not so long ago and I wish I had said yes and at the time I really wanted to as well it wqsa just I was worried about telling my mum and his mum although both of our parents approve of us being together and like each other. We have talked again about it and he was happy I wanted to say yes all along and he admits he's worrying about the same thing he's just turned 18 and I am soon to be 18 and going to uni I know we will survive being apart and still be as close as ever. We love each other to bits and we don't want to get married until we have the finances ot make it perfect but how do we deal with our parents? I'm annoyed that we are being held back by parents where it should be about ourselfs:(

[Wildcat21]

WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! Too young!! Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!! To young!!

Wait until you're at least 25 - you're not even close to being an adult yet
This would be a huge mistake and don't care who the guy is.

The human brain is not even fully developed until age 25. Most guys are not even close to being ready until age 30.

Pease wait many years before you do this.

[Skell]

Can I ask what the rush is? I know you have been together since 2000 and that is a long time but why the need for marriage?

I was with my high school sweat heart from the age of 16 until 23. It was great and we had a great time travelling the world together and basically being a couple of young 20 something's!!

I would suggest just enjoy each others company and be young. Don't grow up too quick! Don't take one another for granted.

Just enjoy being with one another and have fun. If you are meant to be married then one day you will be but right now I don't see the need!

[Nosnosna]

Don't sign off on any kind of a commitment like that while you're getting ready to go off to college. It's extraordinarily hard to change a relationship over to long-distance and have it work. I'm not saying it can't be done, nor that it's not worth trying, but it's harder than anything you've even considered facing yet.

[kittyykat]

Can i ask what the rush is? I know you have been together since 2000 and that is a long time but why the need for marriage?

I was with my high school sweat heart from the age of 16 til 23. It was great and we had a great time travelling the world together and basically being a couple of young 20 somethings!!!

I would suggest just enjoy each others company and be young. Dont grow up too quick! Dont take one another for granted.

Just enjoy being with one another and have fun. If you are meant to be married then one day you will be but right now i dont see the need!

I know this is a huge topic but we are both very mature and neither of us want to be married until we are both out of university (2011) and also had time building up money in order to do it properly ((2014) we don't have a sexual relationship as I am recovering from PTSD after a violent ex and I want to save it for maried life. We aren't desperate to be married or engaged but we want other people to take us seriously and we both want to be together forever and have the strength to be. I personally have a lot of paranoir even though he is completely trustworthy and even my parents trust us to stay alone together at hoime while they go over to france. I want the way we are to be seen, my mum has even given hints about it she knows we are so good together and that is a lot coming from my mother!
Sorry I'm not explaining this very well (dislexic sorry (cant even spell that!))

He is very supportive and helping me through ptsd and my 4th hip surgery and possible heart problems , deaths in the family, and lots of stuff and I support him through issues he has with confidence and familly issues also.

We don't want to get married until we are able and mature enough to wejust want to show each other that we trust love and commit to each other.

Explained OK? Sorry

[talaniman]

Do yourselves a favor, finish college and secure your futures and see how you feel, as life has a way of changing even the best laid plans. What's the hurry? Sorry we both posted at the same time so just let me say that it sounds like a plan worth going for and I hope you get what you work for.

[Skell]

Sorry to hear about all your problems. I really am. And your guy seems like a great guy to be helping you through this.

You said it yourself. You BOTH want to wait until you are out of university had time to beceom financially stable. I think that is a great idea and you should be commended for your mature thinking. Both of you. By the sounds of it you both are very mature people for your age but probably not as mature as you think you are.

Your situation is very similar to mine and my now ex girlfriend. She had many hardships in life as well and we were there for each other over a long period. We were each others rock. We also had decided that we wait until we had finished uni to get married. Now it didn't quyite work out and we are no longer together, but the fact is we didn't need marriage to show each other our commitment and love to one another.

All as we needed was that comforting hug at night when things aren't so great, or that little smile across a room when your at a party and in different conversations.

A ring and piece of paper doesn't show it.

What shows your love and commitment to each other is how you treat one another. Learn from my mistakes and donty take it fro granted. Never take it for granted, but also realise that you are a young person and have so much living to do. You have your studies and so many other things ahead of you! Marriage is just another thing that will come along when the time is right.

[Nosnosna]

I know this is a huge topic but we are both very mature

You and every single couple who's ever talked about marriage at your age. Not to be too blunt about it, but everybody says that. Everybody.

and neither of us want to be married until we are both out of university (2011) and also had time building up money in order to do it properly ((2014)

You don't need money to do it properly. If that part is that much of a consideration, I have even bigger reservations than I did before.

we aren't desperate to be married or engaged but we want other people to take us seriously and we both want to be together forever and have the strength to be.

You don't need words for other people to take you seriously. I know plenty of married couples who aren't taken seriously. If they don't take you seriously already, this isn't going to change anything. Besides, who cares what other people think? There's not much point in getting engaged if you're doing it for somebody else's benefit.

I personally have a lot of paranoir even though he is completely trustworthy

This will make your time apart during college so much fun for you. Paranoia doesn't go away, you know... it feeds on every little inconsequential thing.

we don't want to get married until we are able and mature enough to wejust want to show each other that we trust love and commit to each other.

If it takes that specific thing to show that you trust, love, and commit to each other, then maybe you should take a step back and look at the whole relationship. A need to show it with some act like this tells me that you have doubts in it without that act. If there weren't doubts, you wouldn't be so worried about the act itself.

[Wildcat21]

Still way too young to even consider this. Just really enjoy each others compnay. Grow. Learn.

[kittyykat]

If it takes that specific thing to show that you trust, love, and commit to each other, then maybe you should take a step back and look at the whole relationship. A need to show it with some act like this tells me that you have doubts in it without that act. If there weren't doubts, you wouldn't be so worried about the act itself.

I have no doubts we won't make it through anything at all I struggle to explain things properly sorry to confuse everybody, I more want him to know I commit fully and he probably proposed for the same reason

[Skell]

Don't worry about it all so much. Why do you need to be married to be happy with this guy?
You don't I can assure you that.

You shouldn't need to be married or engaged to have a commitment.

Just leave it and get on with living a young and fulfillign life. Marriage will come when it is ready.

Nothing can / should be forced. If it is then it will ultimately break!

[Nishaiscute]

ThAT is A reALLy YouNg AGE to Get EnGAgEd!! WaiT TiLL You BotH ThINK YouR ReADy FOR iT!

[JoeCanada76]

I personally feel that 25 is a perfect age. That was for me personally. Everybody has a different view and opinion.

My advice follow your heart. At the same time you need to not let your parents dictate your life to you, but you said it yourself that you both want to make sure finances are taking care of.

Wildcat is right, 25 is good a good age.

[kristynn]

Getting married is something!
You think you might have found the right person, but you're too young to get married!

WHY hurry?

[Synnen]

I've never understood the point of long engagements. 2014? That's a LONG time off.

Don't bother with getting engaged until you're willing to set a date for a wedding.

The only thing that's going to prove to each other and other people that you're truly committed to each other is time. If marriage meant "committment", there would be fewer divorces.

Just enjoy each other and the relationship, and time will take care of the rest.

[deere023]

I have been with my boyfirend since I was 18 and am now 22. If you guys are as close as you say you are and you have a really good relationship then waiting to get engaged until you are financially able as a couple, and until you both are ready won't be a big deal. You love each other, you both know that and that is all you need. If it is meant to be then it will work out that way no matter how long you have to wait.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Take it from me, 18 is WAY too young to get engaged. I am 26 and I was 25 when I got engaged but my ex was 19 when we got engaged and she pushed for that too. I was the one that wanted to take it slowly but I loved her deeply so decided, what the hell. We were together for just over 3 years and she ended the relationship 5 1/2 months ago. She was not ready for anything like this but I think I am very close to that maturity level that is required to make this kind of thing work. I am not saying I am fully there yet but I have taken time out in the past to explore who I am and what life is all about. This is something I think all young people should experience before making any kind of commitment and I include my ex in this category too. She is learning and exploring herself and although I was deeply hurt by the breakup, I can't be angry with someone for wanting to be young and explore themselves since I was there once. To be like that would make me selfish.

Sorry.. I've gone on a tangent here :eek: My point is, yes, I think you are way too young for engagement. I don't think any woman should get engaged until at least 25 and perhaps older for men as men tend to mature slower than women. I never always thought like that evidently but I really think young people should have some me time where they explore the single life.

I hope this answers your question.

[talaniman]

For sure you must first survive the trials and tribulations of life as a couple, and hopefully grow together and as individuals, and learn the fine art of honest communications and the basics and importance of listening to each other, as working together to solve your problems, where you both benefit is a good indication of the strength and commitment of the relationship. It's a lot of hard work with very few shortcuts. It ain't easy at all. But is very worthwhile.

[kp2171]

Wait. Period.

I was with the person I believed I was going to marry at 18. Had dated 2 years. We dated over four more... six years total. Everyone thought wed get married. We had talked about it since our senior year HS.

Well, as has been said, your mind can change as it develops. I'm so grateful we didn't marry. We were great for each other for that time, but we didn't belong together in the long run.

Focusing too much on marriage now will distract you. It can change your plans. Bad idea.

My roommate in college did it right. He dated his HS sweetheart all through college. A year after graduating they were engaged for a short time. Now are ten years married and no chance of it going wrong. They thought theyd get married, but no big deal made of it early on. They both focused on growing emotionally and getting themselves on their feet professionally.

So wait to call yourself engaged. Focus on your plans for for you, and let him focus on his plans for him. If you both make it through the next several years together and still want to be married, great.

Too often, with young love, the relationship becomes this thing that is greater than the individuals... so much so it becomes your pride and your identity, and you think your total goal is to be a steward for the relationship. It is important to begin to work on relationships, but its too easy to overdo it.

Been there, done that.

[a8i1223]

Hey, I know exactly how you feel! Maybe you should wait until you've settled into uni before you make your mind up. However, if you are both still confident and in love- then why not? The feelings that surround marriage in our society, I think, are terrible. Why should people miss out when they know what they want? Know what you feel, and go with it :) Good luck