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ashlee222 · Jul 11, 2011, 01:09 PM

Okay so I was with this guy for two years and all he did was use me for my money and take advantage of me; I gave him everything I got him a job, took him everywhere and even a place to stay. During the time we were dating I met a new guy I ended up catching feelings for him and I broke up with my boyfriend of two years and started dating him. Me and my ex did not talk for about two weeks but, I still saw him all the time at work, one night we were at a party I was really drunk and we ended up sleeping together it didn't mean anything to me I don't like him nor do I want him. Everyone keeps telling me I jumped into my new relationship to quick without fully getting rid of the old one.

talaniman · Jul 11, 2011, 02:37 PM

So now you have to tell the new guy you got drunk and cheated with the ex. You seem to have told everyone at work, so tell him, and the chips will fall where they may.

ashlee222 · Jul 11, 2011, 02:40 PM

I didn't tell anyone at work. My ex works with me; before I even did what I did everyone told me I jumped into the relationship.

talaniman · Jul 11, 2011, 03:05 PM

You still have to tell the new guy though don't you??

Jake2008 · Jul 11, 2011, 03:47 PM

You don't 'catch' feelings for someone, and based on only that, leave your boyfriend, without knowing that a relationship with guy #2 was going to happen.

There must have been some deceit along the way. Phone calls, texts, meeting up, etc. In other words, you got to know guy #2, at least well enough to know you wanted him in order to replace your boyfriend.

So let's just say that there was already cheating going on before you 'caught' feelings for the second fellow, and ended up leaving your boyfriend for him.

Are you saying it was because you were so drunk that you ended up sleeping with your (now) ex boyfriend? If that is the case, and you're saying alcohol made you do it, then it really could have been anybody right? Not making rational decisions, because of alcohol, could get you in a similar situation again. Or, are you saying that the alcohol broke down your defences, and you were helpless to overcome is advances? Either way, it's hard know what you would have done when you were sober, if this is how you justify your behaviour in the first place.

What I'm trying to get through here, is that alcohol is not an excuse for sleeping with your ex, and cheating on your boyfriend. You made a choice, no matter how it came about.

You also made a choice to know another man, other than your ex boyfriend, well enough to know that you were jumping from one man, to the other. You knew what you were doing. The only thing you caught all the way around, was bad judgment.

It is always a good rule of thumb to finish with one relationship, before you start another one. When you make a choice to not allow yourself any room between, there has been no healing, and no time to reflect and be on your own, and work toward being independent enough, and strong enough, to even consider dating again.

And what you have done is overlap one man with the other, finally leave one, pick up with the second one, and relapse back to the first one. Now you're wondering what to do.

To tell you to be honest, for all the right reasons, with the new man in your life, may not be an easy thing for you, because both of your relationships have so far been deceitful.

If you want to make it work with the new boyfriend, I agree that you should tell him. And, work on realizing that two men in one relationship never works out. You are still involved with the old, while you are involved with the new one, and yet that relationship did not start with trust either.

Just a thought, but perhaps its time for you to be on your own a little while. Perhaps neither men are good choices.

I think if one of them had been 'the one', cheating with the other one would never have happened in the first place.

vanheart · Jul 11, 2011, 05:19 PM

You probably did jump too fast.

And sleeping with your ex wasn't smart either.

Here's the thing:

"I was with this guy for two years and all he did was use me for my money and take advantage of me"

Doesn't sound good to me.

Take some time out to figure what it is you want. And who you are.

Take a break.