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heartandsoul · Jun 25, 2011, 10:41 PM

What if the child's biological father abandoned the child at three months old. Resurfaced several months later for a few months and then left again for four years and resurfaced for a month then left again for another few years and resurfaced again. Has never made any legal decisions for her. Has never attended any school functions or birthdays. Has rarely paid child support and owes over 2,000.00 in back child support. Lives two hours away and now suddenly has filed for Child Custody and Child Support from the custodial parent even though he has been mostly absent for nine years w/random visitation and with a track record of abandonement and neglect?

ScottGem · Jun 26, 2011, 06:11 AM

First, In California Child Abandonment refers to leaving a child without any adult supervision. So the child abandonment laws do not apply.

However, if the NCP files for a change of custody, the fact that the NCP has not been an active part of the child's life will certainly be taken into account by the courts.

So, I would be very surprised if a court would grant a change of custody under those circumstances.

Has he really filed or just threatened to? Does he have an attorney? Did he provide any grounds for a change of custody? How does the child feel about a change of custody?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 26, 2011, 11:45 AM

He can always file for a change in custody, don't see any way the court will give him anything but perhaps a change in visitation to allow him to see the child.

heartandsoul · Jun 30, 2011, 02:48 PM

He filed a "Petition For Parentage". He completed the summons himself and filed for 'Custody' 'Child Support' and 'Visitation'. We had been in contact more often in the past few months and we were visiting the town that he has resided in for the past several years, two hours away from where we live. He had me served in that county claiming that we reside there giving an address where we stayed for a week.
I never filed for 'Full Custody' because I never thought that there was going to be an issue based on his track record. My daughter has no interest in seeing him or visiting with him unless I'm present. He has disrespected me in her presence which makes her feel very uncomfortable. She has expressed to me that he is 'not acting like a father' and that his neglect and overall absence have disappointed and hurt her. I'm filing for a 'Change In Venue' when I file my answer to the summons with the help of a legal non-profit organization until I can meet with an attorney to represent me at the hearing or mediation.
Any suggestions? Thank you.

ScottGem · Jun 30, 2011, 06:02 PM

Sounds like you have a plan. File for the change of venue, provide school records showing your daughter has lived in your county (her residence is the most important) for several years. Build up documentation of his neglect, lack of support etc.

How old is your daughter? Depending on her age, her testimony may carry more or less weight.

But, if you document everything I doubt if the most he will get is some supervised visitation.

heartandsoul · Jun 30, 2011, 07:04 PM

Is it an issue if we recently moved from the neighborhood that we've resided in for the past ten years to another part of the city, but within the same county? We had just moved from our residence of four years and were in transition for the two weeks that we were visiting the town he lives in. He may have manipulated and mislead me by suggesting that we move there. I was considering it, but had decided that we wouldn't live there permanently due to many reservations. He knew that I was not going to live there after all. It was while I was waiting to hear about moving into a rental in our hometown that he had me served. It felt like I had been set-up perhaps. At which time he claimed that we resided there. I can show proof of residency in our neighborhood for the past 10 1/2 years plus letters from landlords and affadavits from neighbors and friends that were well aware of his absence and lack of child support. I thought that in a court of 'Family Law', lack of child support is considered separate to the amount of time spent with the child and isn't taken into consideration. Does absence constitute neglect if he lies and says he didn't know where we were. It may be challenging for me to prove that he knew where we lived at two different locations, but never came to visit and never called.

In addition, I began homeschooling my daughter two months before the end of the last school year for various reasons and disenrolled her from that public school to homeschool her. I filed an affadavit with the State's 'Department of Education'.

My daughter is nine years of age and will be turning ten years old in September.

How does one 'document' neglect for the past ten years? I do have a print out of missed child support payments and accrued back child support, etc.

Thanks so much for your help!

ScottGem · Jun 30, 2011, 08:23 PM

The recent move shouldn't be an issue as long as you can document everything. It may be harder to prove a negative (that he hasn't visited) but do your best. Talk to the legal advisers about your strategy.

heartandsoul · Jul 9, 2011, 11:42 AM

Can someone please explain 'Reasonable Visitation' and 'Supervised Visitation'?
Can the custodial parent request that 'the court' appoint a supervisor for the
visitation that is not associated with the non-custodial parent and not a party
To the action? Is 'Reasonable Visitation' based on the courts decision or the
Schedule of the child and the custodial parent? How old must a child be to be a
Witness to the custody case? At what age will there personal testimony carry
More weight in family court of law?

heartandsoul · Jul 9, 2011, 12:19 PM

What are the 'Visitation' Rights currently in the state of Califonia for a
Non-Custodial parent that has been absent for at least nine years, with very
random visits in between, sometimes being absent for a total of fours years
and with 'no' involvement, participation, or child support payments?

JudyKayTee · Jul 9, 2011, 01:17 PM

Is there Court ordered support?

Support and visitation are two different things. Absent a Court Order the parent who has physical custody (the living arrangement) over the child has control of the situation. The "absent" parent has to go to Court and request visitation and/or custody. The other parent usually asks for support at this time - or at any time he/she wants to file.

Here is an explanation of the law - California Courts: Self-Help Center: Families & Children: Custody & Visitation: Introduction to Custody & Visitation

Is there PROOF that the father is the father - DNA, birth certificate, marriage?

JudyKayTee · Jul 9, 2011, 01:24 PM

I think all of your questions have been answered.

Supervised means just that - someone needs to oversee the visitation. Reasonable refers to the amount of time awarded.

I would be very careful that you not unduly influence your child because that can backfire in Court. She can testify at just about any age; however, her wishes will be heard but possibly not respected. If she has not had contact in 7 years she cannot form an opinion concerning her father - other than she hasn't heard from him.

It was your job to file for support so the fact that he has not supported the child will probably not be held against him. Should it? Certainly, morally, yes. Will it? Probably not.

ScottGem · Jul 9, 2011, 01:47 PM

Visitation is set by court. In an amicable breakup, the court will simply ratify what the couple agrees to. If they can't agree, then the court will rule on what it feels is the best interests of the child. That will be determined by a variety of factors. The court may take into account many factors.

P.S. please don't start multiple threads over the same issue. Your threads have been merged.

heartandsoul · Jul 9, 2011, 02:20 PM

The child has lived with me 'exclusively' since birth, she is nearly ten now. We were
never married and he has never been involved or participated in her life consistently.
His visitation allowed by me has been random and he has a proven track record of being
unrealiable and untrustworthy which has been documented. In addition, I can provide nearly
50 affadavits from many people well aware of his absence and neglect. I filed for child support
through the district attorney's office from my county when she was six. The county is after
him as well. He owes them 10k and he owes me 2k in back child support since November of 2010.
Currently he is paying nothing in child support and his wages are being garnished by Child
Support Services of the County with the State of California representing the County.

ScottGem · Jul 9, 2011, 02:24 PM

As noted, support and visitation are kept separate.

The courts will take into account his spotty record when deciding visitation. Whether they deny or severely limit visitation because of that will depend on how much he can convince them he has changed. We can't tell you what will happen since it will be up to the judge. We can tell you what the courts will look at, but we have no idea what type of case he will present.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 9, 2011, 02:29 PM

The issue is that no one knows how judges will always rule, the same type of case heard in front of one judge may end up one way, in another court with another judge, it may be another.

JudyKayTee · Jul 9, 2011, 02:53 PM

Absence does NOT cause a parent to lose a request for visitation. Neglect? How is he neglecting the child?

Failure to visit is NOT neglect.

cdad · Jul 9, 2011, 03:25 PM

I will say this. Mediation is mandatory before a custody hearing and if this attitude is brought into mediation they may go with whatever has been recommended by the ex. You need to be very careful with this attitude you have against him because this isn't about you its about your child.

heartandsoul · Jul 9, 2011, 03:28 PM

In my opinion, a prent abandoning an infant, regardless if the mother is
Present and not showing interest nor supporting that child on many levels throughout
Their childhood is neglectful. Furthermore, he has had three children that he has not
Been involved in the lifves of nor paid child support. Each mother, and there are 3
Total, have had the same experience with his pattern of neglect and detachment from the
Child. In additon, he has had psychological and emotional breakdowns in the presence of
His young children with the mothers presence showing his emotional and mental instability
Which has been both confusing and frightening to the children. This very act could constitute
'neglect' to a child and could be potentially dangerous. He is irresponsible and his mother
Had a history of 'Manic Depression' and took her life when he was a child. He personally choked
Me when I was holding our baby. If it wasn't for her scream he could have killed me. I'm very
Concerned and rightfully so for my young daughter's emotional and psychological well-being.

heartandsoul · Jul 9, 2011, 04:01 PM

My doors have always been open to the Non-Custodial parent regardless of
Our issues. However, it has been my daughter that has expressed to me on
More than one occasion that he ignores her and she is continuously hurt
And disappointed by his inability to connect with her and show interest.
@ califdadof3 I think you misinterpreted my intentions. I'm just stating
The facts and my heartfelt and genuine concerns for what is in the best
Interest of my daughter. Sometimes no father is better than an 'unfit' one.

ScottGem · Jul 9, 2011, 05:13 PM

Originally Posted by heartandsoul

In my personal opinion,

But this is NOT about your "personal opinion". This is about the law. You have to understand that. Until you do, you will be very likely to antagonize the court. You better engage an attorney who can rein you in. Let you know what you can say to the court and what you can't.

I think you have good reasons to curtail or even eliminate visitation, but if you don't present it to the court properly you will lose.