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kd1025 · Jul 7, 2011, 09:16 PM

Hello I've been when the same guy for 20 years we have 2 kids together 8 months ago I found out he was seeing someone else.When he left I was under the empression that he was staying with his family which was a lie. He never removed his belongings from the house and everyday he would come over. I accepted what he was doing hopeing he would just leave the girl for good and just come home.June 13 he came bye the house and said that he was done with the cheating and the girl was history and that he wanted another chance for us to work it out. I said OK 2 weeks later I gets a bad feeling that something wasn't right I went bye where the girl lived and I see his truck I get upset and busted out 3 of his windows... I go home and he never called me or came home so the next day I take all of his clothes up the girl house and put them is the truck the next day he finally calls and say I busted his windows out for nothing that he was on his way home well it's been a week and he's not home yet I'm thinking that he really wanted to be with the girl he just didn't want to take his clothes to her house he told me the other day that he wants to be with me and not her but I don't believe him cause he's not home yet.He hasn't call me or anything should I just move on with my life or just wait and see is he really coming back or did I mess up or did I do the right thing nye putting him out?

JudyKayTee · Jul 8, 2011, 08:44 AM

If you're asking about "busting out his windows," yes, you did the wrong thing. In fact, that's a criminal act and you could be charged if that's what he wants to do.

Let's see - he SAYS he wants to be with you but actually he IS with her. Yes, I think he's lying to you.

I certainly wouldn't put my life on hold waiting to see which one of you he wants to be "with" this week. I'd move on.

Did you do the right thing in throwing him out? If you could live with a cheater, knowing he was cheating, then you did the wrong thing. If you couldn't live under those conditions, then you did the right thing.

Of course throwing him out was the right thing to do for your peace of mind.

Breaking his widows was not.

Fr_Chuck · Jul 8, 2011, 10:49 AM

Did you do the right thing breaking up with him, yes, you should not have allowed him back so fast the first time.

Unless you are OK with sharing him, keep him out.

The truck windows, that was wrong and childish, more what a 14 year old does. He could call the police and press charges, and could sue you to make you pay for all of the windows.

Jake2008 · Jul 9, 2011, 04:58 AM

Why would you risk the police coming to your door and charging you for acting like a criminal? You have children who would witness that horror, and how would this affect them.

It seems like while you were waiting for him to come home, your anger was building, and you sure weren't thinking straight when you busted out his truck windows.

And, was violence a part of the relationship, either him, you, or both of you?

And if he were to return home, what then. Did you tell him that counselling was a must, and things had to change? Or were you just going to carry on pretending that everything was okay.

For such breeches in a 20 year relationship, I am hoping that there were enough good years, that there was something left to work through all the problems. But, I doubt it would be possible without some outside help.

And for yourself, if you are not normally a violent person, and you suddenly lost control, and let your anger get the better of you, and if you regret what you did, counselling might be a good idea for you to understand how and why your emotions ended up the way they did.

And, why you would hang onto hope of working out a relationship with a man who makes decisions on what HE wants- i.e. another woman vs. you and his family.

kd1025 · Jul 12, 2011, 07:10 PM

Thanks for all the answers they really are helpful I do know that I allowed my anger to take control of me that was nothing but the devil he still considering of working things out after all he said that he really doesn't want the other women so I'll just leave it to god and see what happens and I'm also seeking counsling soon thanks :-) for your help