[turbocarrie]

My boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year now. Our relationship was not a conventional one however, when it began. We both cheated on our spouses with each other. We both know that what we did was wrong, but we also know we were both unhappy where we were. He was always very ready to move out of his home where he also has 3 beautiful children. I have no children and am 16 years younger than him. I knew that I wanted to divorce my husband for a very long time, even before my boyfriend came into my life, but I was always too afraid of leaving and hurting my family.

So for over 2 years my boyfriend would beg me to move out and come be with him. I would hear I love you a million times a day. I need you... it goes on and on. Then, finally last September 2010 we went on a trip to San Francisco and that was to be the beginning of our fresh start. I knew I couldn't live without him and I knew he felt the same. I moved out of my home and into an apt with him, in which we both signed the lease to. That was October 1, 2010 when I moved in. Everything was AMAZING and I had never felt such happieness in my entire life! We took trips, laughed, and were just very much in love.

Then, I noticed around April or so that he seemed a little less excited to come home and he always seemed to be thinking. I would ask, are you OK? Is there anything you'd like to talk about? As usual, men don't really like to talk, so he'd say he was fine. I also knew that during the "glory" days of our relationship, he didn't spend much time at all with his kids. His focus was us and me. I would say to him... have you visited the kids lately? You should spend some time with them... so when things changed I knew it had to do with the kids.

I haven't met his daughters (14 and 10 years old), but he did introduce me to his son age 9. We went to a couple of hockey games and hung out, and I even thought it was a bit soon for that. He moved out of his house in Sept '10 and introduced me to his son in December of 2010. So, now things have just been rough, he has pulled away from me. Spends all of his free time with the kids and doesn't make plans with me unless he can't hang out with the kids that day.

I have been very understanding of all the time he spends with them even though its hard. And recently he said he felt that we should live separately for the kids, himself, and me. He said, he'd like to be able to bring the kids over for sleepovers but can't cause I'm here and he also feels he needs to work on himself a bit. However, throughout all of this, he still says he does love me. He said that he feels this is our only chance of making us work too. He feels like we should've done this step in the first place, but he wanted me to move in with him at that time.

Also, to add to it, the kids know "who I am" because mom has told them and understandably doesn't say nice things about me. Is this a lost cause or should I just let him figure things out and be there when he needs me? He said he's not done with me just because we are living separate, he said it's just something he needs to do.

[talaniman]

Isn't his first priority his kids? Of course they are, now imagine the hell he is catching because "daddy is with the one that broke up our family" and see he may never make you a part of his kids life, and he knows he has a lot of amends to do.

Your honeymoon, or glory days have run their course for now, and I just wonder what your kids will feel when they find out he is the one who broke up their home. Reality has caught up to both you cheaters, and you better get your acts together with your own responsibilities no matter what it takes, or how long.

What did you expect going from one failed relationship, right to another with the guy you cheated on? Handle your business, and let him handle his. That's what you should have done in the first place.

Do so now.

[kcomissiong]

Well, it looks like he actually woke up and decided to try and do right by the children whose lives he tore apart. Good. If you really want to be with him, (and I can't imagine why) you need to acknowledge that you have played a major part in the destruction of these childrens' home and family life, and then take a step back, and allow them to heal. If that means that you need to stay away from him and them, then do it. He seems to finally be doing the right thing and putting his children first, and if you love him as much as you claim, you will support him in this decision.